Suzumiya Haruhi:Volume1 Chapter2

From Baka-Tsuki

Chapter 2

From the results, my premonition had come true.

After class, Haruhi didn't disappear instantly from the classroom as usual. This time she forcefully took my hand and dragged me out of the classroom, through the corridors, up the stairs, and finally stopped in front of the door leading to the rooftop.

That door is usually locked, and the staircase above the fourth floor seems to have been used as a storage room by the Art Club. Giant canvases, near broken picture frames, statues of war gods with missing noses and such are all piled up in this little staircase, making what is supposed to be a narrow space even narrower.

What is she trying to do to me by bringing me here?

"I need your help."

Haruhi said this while grabbing my tie. With her sharp glare aimed at the lower part of my head, I got the feeling she was threatening me.

"Help you with what?"

I feigned ignorance.

"Help me make a new club!"

"OK, then tell me, why must I help you complete something that you just suddenly thought up?"

"Because I need to secure a room for the club as well as members, so you need to find out what paperwork needs to be done for the school."

She wasn't even listening. I cast off Haruhi's hand.

"What club are you trying to make?"

"It doesn't matter! What's important is to make a club first."

I really doubt that the school would let us form a club whose activities are unknown.

"Now listen! After school today, you go and find out what needs to be done, and I'll go and find a room for the club. Ok?"

'NO!'

If I had replied like that, I was sure I would be killed. While I was hesitating on how to answer, Haruhi had already turned and walked down the stairs, leaving a disoriented male student standing all alone on the dust-filled staircase.

"...I haven't even agreed to help..."

Sigh, saying this to a plaster statue is pointless. I could only drag my heavy feet, thinking about how I would explain all this to my curious classmates.

Requirements for organizing an "association":

Five members or more. A sponsor teacher, club name, chairperson for the club, and club activities/goals summary are required—which then requires approval from the Student Council Executive Committee. The club's activities must fit in with the school philosophy of creativity and vivaciousness. Based on the activities' records and results, the Executive Committee would debate on whether to promote the association into a "study group." Furthermore, as an association, the school will not provide any funding.

I didn't have to explicitly search for the requirements because they are all listed out on the back of the student handbook.

Members are easy; we can just find anyone to make up the numbers, so that won't be a problem. A sponsor teacher is harder to find, but I think I can manage that. As for the name, something inoffensive would do. And the chairperson for the club is, no doubt, Haruhi of course.

I am willing to bet, however, that our club activities/goals summary is definitely not going to agree with "creativity and vivaciousness."

That being said, it's not as if Haruhi is the kind of person who cares about the rules.

As the bell rang for the end of classes, Haruhi showed off her horrifyingly brutish strength by gripping my jacket's sleeve and pulling me out of our classroom at kidnapping speed. It took great effort to make sure that I didn't leave my school bag in the classroom.

“Where are we going?”

I asked because, well, I'm normal after all.

“The Club Room.”

Haruhi, so full of energy that she was able to kick away the slow moving people in front of us, simply answered with a short sentence, then kept her mouth shut. Please, can you at least let go of my hand first?

After we exited the first floor hallway, we went into another building and up the stairs. We walked into a dark hallway and at its center, Haruhi stopped. Of course, I stopped too.

There is a door in front of us.

Literature Club

The crooked name tag is pasted on the door.

“Here it is.”

Without even knocking, Haruhi opened the door and walked into the classroom without any consideration. Of course, I followed her inside.

The room is surprisingly large, or maybe it seems that way because it only contains a rectangular table, metal chairs, and a bookshelf. A few cracks on the ceiling and the walls showed how ancient the building is.

Just as if she came with the room, a girl was sitting alone on a metal chair, reading a very thick hardcover book.

“From now on this will be our club room.”

Haruhi opened her arms and announced formally. Her face was shining with that energetic smile. 'If only she would show that smile in class...' despite that thought, I didn't dare to say it out loud.

“Wait a second, what is this place?”

"The Cultural and Arts club building. This place has art and music rooms for the Art Club and the Orchestra Club. Clubs and associations without a regular club room all hold their activities here in this building, known as the Old Complex. And this classroom belongs to the Literature Club.”

“Then what about the Literature Club?”

“After all the third year students graduated this spring, the club had zero members. As no new members were recruited, the club was going to be canceled. By the way, she's a first year who's their only new member.”

“Then they haven't been canceled yet!”

“Close enough! A club with only one member is the same as none.”

You idiot! Are you trying to take over other people's club rooms? I took a quick look at the Literature Club girl.

She was a girl with glasses and short hair.

Haruhi was already this loud. The girl, however, didn't even lift her head once. Apart from occasionally flipping the pages with her fingers, she appeared stationary, completely ignoring our presence. It seemed that this girl was strange as well!

I lowered my voice and asked Haruhi:

“Then what about that girl?”

“She said it doesn't matter!”

“Really?”

“I asked her already at lunch time. I said I need her to lend me the room and she said 'go ahead,' as long as she can read her book here in peace. Now that you mention it, she is pretty weird.”

For you of all people to say that!

I observed the weird Literature Club girl carefully this time.

She had pale skin and an expressionless face. Her fingers were moving rhythmically like a robot. Just covering her pretty face, her short hair made one want to take off her glasses for a clearer view. She gave the impression of an inconspicuous puppet. In other words, a mysterious and expressionless weirdo!

Perhaps noticing my intrusive observation, the girl suddenly lifted her head and pushed the nose bridge of her glasses up with her fingers.

I saw her deep-colored eyes staring at me from under those lenses. Neither her eyes nor her lips showed any expression at all, almost like a mask. She was different from Haruhi—her face is the kind that fundamentally shows no sign of emotion.

“Nagato Yuki.”

Her tone suggested that her name would be forgotten by most people within three seconds of hearing it.

Nagato Yuki stared at me for a moment; then as if losing interest, she turned her attention back to her book.

“Say Nagato-san,” I called out, “This girl here wants to use your club room for a yet-to-be-named club. Is this all right with you?”

“Yes.”

Nagato's gaze never left her book once.

“But it might be troublesome for you."

“It doesn't matter.”

“Maybe you'll even be evicted?”

“Please feel free.”

Even though she answered promptly, she showed no expression. It seemed to me that she really didn't give a damn about it.

“Okay, then it's decided,” Haruhi suddenly interrupted.

She sounded really hyper, giving me a bad feeling.

“From now on, we will meet in this room after class. Be sure to come! Or you're as good as dead!”

She said with a smile like the blooming cherry blossoms. I reluctantly nodded my head.

Please, I don't want to die yet!

So we've now found a club room, but there was absolutely no progress with the paperwork. We still hadn't decided on a club name or what activities it intended to hold. I had asked Haruhi to sort these things out first, but she seemed to have other ideas.

"We can decide on all that later!" Haruhi declared loudly. "Right now the most important thing is to recruit members. We still need at least two more people."

So, you've already counted the Literature Club girl in as well? You couldn't possibly have treated Nagato Yuki as a mere club accessory, could you?

"Don't worry about that. I'll be able to gather people soon; I already have someone in mind."

How can I not worry? My unease has become even more profound!

The next day after school, after turning down Taniguchi and Kunikida's offer to walk home with them, I reluctantly dragged my heavy feet and headed towards the club room.

Haruhi only said "You go first!" and rushed out of the classroom with a speed that the Athletic Club so badly needed. She was so fast that I wondered if she had added boosters in her shoes. I didn't know whether she was in a hurry to find new club members, or whether she was just plain excited that she had taken a step forward in meeting extraterrestrial aliens?

On the other hand, I could only carry my bag, so I moved slowly towards the Literature Club room.

Entering the club room, I discovered Nagato Yuki already inside, sitting in the same position while reading her book. I slowly approached her, but as with yesterday her head was buried in the book, my presence ignored. Was the Literature Club a pure reading club? Why else would she be reading all the time?

Silence in the classroom.

"...... What are you reading?"

I asked, not being able to stand the silence any longer. Nagato Yuki answered by raising the book and showing me the cover. My eyes saw a large bunch of dazzling foreign words; it seemed like some sort of science fiction novel.

"Is it interesting?"

Nagato Yuki pushed her glasses upwards effortlessly before replying in an empty tone:

"Unique."

It seemed that she'd answer anything I asked her.

"Which part?"

"All of it."

"So you like reading?"

"Very."

"I see......"

"......"

Back to silence again.

Can I go home now?

I thought of that while putting my bag on the desk. Just as I prepared to sit down on the steel chair, the door crashed open like it was being kicked.

"Hey, sorry I'm late! It took me some time trying to catch this gal!"

Haruhi finally arrived, waving one hand at us. Her other hand was holding onto someone else's wrist—she'd abducted another person! When Haruhi entered the room, for some reason she locked the door. Click! Hearing that sound, the light-sized girl shuddered uncomfortably.

Wow, she sure is pretty.

She must be Haruhi's "chosen candidate."

"W...what are you doing?"

The girl said, close to tears now.

"W...where is this place? Why did you bring me here? And, w...why are you locking the door? What do you want with me?"

"Shut up!"

Haruhi barked with such force that the girl simply stood in stunned silence.

"Let me introduce her: this is Asahina Mikuru-chan."

After announcing the girl's name, Haruhi stopped talking. Seems like that's all for the introduction.

Silence once again engulfed the classroom. Haruhi looked satisfied with "a job well done"; Nagato Yuki, as usual, kept reading her book without any reaction; and the girl called Asahina Mikuru was simply scared silly. Hey, why isn't anyone talking? And so I started the conversation.

"Where did you abduct her from?"

"This isn't abduction! I just forced her to come with me."

That's the same thing!

"I found her daydreaming in the second year classroom, so I caught her from there. I explore the corners of the school during recess, so I've seen her a few times already."

So that's what you've been doing during recess time when you're nowhere to be seen in the classroom. No, wait, now isn't the time to think about this.

"Anyway, she's our senpai!"

"So?"

I looked at her in disbelief. Oh god, this girl doesn't even think about what she's doing!

"Fine then...... tell me, why did you need to find her, erm, Asahina-senpai, right?"

"Here, have a look."

Haruhi suddenly pointed towards Asahina Mikuru's nose, causing her to back off instantly.

"Isn't she cute?"

That's something only a dangerous kidnapper would say! That's what I thought of anyway.

"I believe Moe characters are important!" she continued.

"......Excuse me, what did you just say?"

"I said Moe! The factor to turn people on! Basically, most detective stories have some characters that would turn people on and cause them to be pitied."

I automatically turned and observed Asahina Mikuru: she has a small body and a face that could easily be mistaken for an elementary school student. Her brown hair is slightly curly, hanging over her back. Her pair of large puppy dog eyes give out a "please protect me" aura. Her half-opened lips reveal a row of white ivory like teeth that, coupled with her small face, create a perfect combination. If she were given a magic wand with a shiny jewel, she might even transform into a little fairy! Aargh~, what the hell am I thinking about!?

"And that's not all!"

Haruhi smiled confidently, and then she grabbed Asahina Mikuru from behind with her hands.

"Kyaaa!!!"

Asahina screamed instantly. But Haruhi was unmoved, clutching her breasts through her sailor uniform.

"Aaaaa!"

"She's so small, yet her breasts are larger than mine! A cute face plus large breasts is also an important factor in turning people on!"

Oh my god, I'm about to faint.

"Wow, they really are big."

Haruhi stuck her hands into Asahina's uniform and started groping. Stop it, you pervert!

"Man, this pisses me off! Her face is so cute, yet her breasts are bigger than mine!"

"H... Help!!!"

Asahina blushed bright red. She tried to struggle free with her arms and legs, but her strength was no match for her harasser. As Haruhi started to move her hands towards Asahina's skirt, I finally couldn't take it any longer and pulled the perverted girl away from Asahina.

"What the hell do you think you're doing!?"

"But they really are huge! It's true! Why don't you give them a go as well?"

Asahina moaned weakly.

"No thanks."

That was all I could say.

What surprised me was, during all this commotion, Nagato Yuki had been reading her book, never once lifting her head. What is with this girl anyway?

Suddenly, I thought of something.

"Hey, you can't be thinking... the sole reason for bringing Asahina-sempai here is because she's cute and has large breasts?"

"Why, of course!"

Oh god, you really are an idiot!

"A mascot-like character like her is necessary!"

Necessary my ass! Whoever said that anyway?

Asahina tidied her rumpled uniform and raised her head looking at me. Hey, don't look at me like that, you're putting me in an embarrassing situation.

"Mikuru-chan," Haruhi asked, "are you with any other clubs?"

"Y... Yes... the Calligraphy Club..."

"Quit that! Or it'll get in the way of my club activities."

Haruhi! Aren't you a bit too selfish!?

Asahina had the expression of a victim in a certain murder mystery, looking at me with eyes that begged to be rescued. Then it was as if she suddenly noticed the presence of Nagato Yuki. Her eyes grew large and showed some hesitation. A moment later, she sighed and whispered in a low voice:

"I see... I understand."

What did you understand?

"I'll quit the Calligraphy Club, and join your club..."

Her voice was so full of sadness.

"But, I don't know what the Literature Club does."

"We aren't the Literature Club," Haruhi clarified.

Seeing Asahina puzzled, I hurriedly cut in to explain.

"We're just temporarily borrowing this room for our club activities. The club you have joined is actually a new association that Suzumiya Haruhi will create in the near future. We don't know what activities there will be; we don't even have a name."

"......What? ......"

"Oh, and the one sitting over there, she's the real Literature Club member."

"Oh......"

Asahina stood speechless, her cute mouth half open. Her reaction? Absolutely normal.

"That won't be a problem!"

Cheerful to the point of not being responsible for anything, Haruhi smacked Asahina's shoulder hard.

"I've just thought of a name!"

"...... Ok, let's hear it," I said with zero enthusiasm.

If possible, I really didn't want to hear it! But since I've already asked, Suzumiya Haruhi used her clear voice to loudly announce the name that she just thought up.

As everyone knows, it all began as a result of Suzumiya Haruhi's simple and naive vision, and no other reason. And so... the name of our new club has been decided:

The SOS Brigade!

Sekai wo
Ooini moriagerutame no
Suzumiya Haruhi no Dan

The Spreading Excitement All Over the World with Suzumiya Haruhi Brigade, abbreviated as SOS Brigade.

You can all laugh now.

But before I could even do that, I stood dumbstruck.

Why is it called "Brigade"? It should be "Spreading Excitement All Over the World with Suzumiya Haruhi Association", but since the club still hadn't satisfied the minimum requirements to become an association and no one was sure what the club was all about, Haruhi simply replied "If that's the case, then let's call it a brigade!" And so the club name was now gloriously born.

Upon hearing the name, Asahina closed her mouth dejectedly. Nagato Yuki could be counted as an outsider, and I didn't know what to say. And so, the motion for the new club name was passed, with one for and three abstentions. The SOS Brigade is now open for business! This is such a wonderful occasion!

Hmph, do whatever you like!

After saying "Be sure to meet here after school everyday!", Haruhi called it a day. Asahina's shoulders drooped, her lifeless figure walking along the corridor further giving off an impression of sadness. I couldn't bear seeing that, so I called out to her.

"Asahina-sempai."

"Yes?"

Asahina looked at me with her innocent face, which didn't even look older than mine.

"You don't have to join such a weird club if you don't want to! You don't need to mind her; I'll try to find a way to explain to her."

"No."

She stopped, winked, and smiled:

"It's all right. I want to join."

"But, this could be a boring club!"

"It doesn't matter; haven't you joined as well?"

No! Whether I joined or not is not the issue here!

"Perhaps, this is the absolute outcome on this Temporal Plane..."

She said with her round eyes staring far off in the distance.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Besides, I'm interested in Nagato-san's presence..."

"Interested?"

"Eh? No, nothing."

Asahina shook her head in trepidation, shaking her wavy hair along.

Then Asahina smiled, looking embarrassed, and gave me a deep bow.

"I may be of trouble, so please bear with me from now on."

"You don't have to do that... you'll put me in a difficult position..."

"Please call me Mikuru from now on."

She smiled.

Man, she's so cute that I'm getting dizzy!

The following is a conversation I had with Haruhi one day.

"You know what we need next?"

"Who knows!"

"I'm thinking of finding a mysterious transfer student."

"Please tell me the definition of 'a mysterious transfer student.'"

"Those that get transferred two months after the school term has started are definitely mysterious transfer students. What do you think?"

"Maybe it's because their parents got a job transfer and they just had to come along."

"No, that would be too forced and unnatural!"

"Then what is natural for you? I'd really like to know."

"Mysterious transfer student...... will they ever appear?"

"You never really listen to what I say, do you!?"

Rumors started to flow in the school that Haruhi and I were plotting something.

"Hey, just what are you up to with Haruhi?"

Taniguchi would ask that.

"You aren't in a romantic relationship, are you?"

Absolutely not! To be honest, I too, would like to know what on earth I am doing!

"Try not to do anything too ridiculous, you're no longer junior high students! If they find out that you vandalized the school trackfield or something like that, you might get suspended!"

If it were Haruhi acting alone, I could simply ignore her. But now there's Nagato Yuki and Asahina Mikuru to take care of—I can't risk them getting involved. When I realized I was so considerate of them, I suddenly felt so proud of myself.

But the thing is, there is no way that I can stop the insane Haruhi!

"I so want a computer!"

Ever since the SOS Brigade was founded, the Literature Club room started to have more and more stuff besides the rectangular table, steel chairs and book shelf.

In the corner now stood a portable hanger cabinet, a flask and cups, a teapot, a CD/MD playing radio, a freezer, sound recorder, cooking pan, bowl, and all sorts of cooking utensils. Now what? Does she plan for us to live here?

At this moment, Haruhi is sitting on a desk she nicked from who-knows-where. For some reason, a black triangular pyramid with the words "Danchou" (Brigade Commander) stood on the desk.

"In this information age, we don't even have a computer. This won't do!"

Whoever said that?

Anyway, all the members were here today. Nagato Yuki was in her usual spot, reading a hardback book about a minor satellite of Saturn falling down, or something like that. Asahina, who didn't have to come, had still obediently arrived and was seated on a steel chair, looking confused.

Haruhi jumped off the desk and ran towards me with a sinister smile.

"Which is why I'm going to obtain one now," Haruhi said, like a hunter looking for its prey.

"Obtain one, you mean a computer? From where? You don't plan on robbing an electronics store, do you?"

"Of course not! It's going to be somewhere closer!"

"Follow me!" Asahina and I complied with Haruhi's orders and followed her down the corridor, eventually arriving at the Computer Study Group two rooms away.

I see!

"Here, take this."

Haruhi handed me an instant camera.

"Now listen carefully! I'll tell you the plan, and you must follow it no matter what! You only have one chance."

Haruhi pulled me down and whispered her "plan" in my ear.

"Wha!? You can't do that!"

"Does it matter?"

Of course it doesn't matter to you, missy! I turned to a puzzled looking Asahina, trying to warn her by winking at her.

You'd better leave at once!

But Asahina looked surprised at me and started blushing. Oh no, she completely got the wrong idea.

Just as I was about to save Asahina from certain doom, Haruhi had knocked on the Computer Study Group room door.

"Hello there! I've come to collect a computer from you!"

The spacing is similar, but compared to our room, this room was narrower. Each of the evenly spaced desks had a desktop computer on it with CD sound effects. The computer fans whirling away were the only sounds heard in the room.

The four boys sitting on their seats typing on their keyboards all stuck their heads out towards the door to see what Haruhi was up to.

"Who's in charge here?"

Haruhi smiled pompously. A male student stood up and answered.

"I'm the president, can I help you?"

"Do I have to repeat myself? I just said: give me a computer."

The nameless Computer Study Group president displayed a "What the hell?" expression and violently shook his head.

"That won't do. Because the school doesn't fund us enough, these computers are all bought with our hard-earned money! We can't just give them to you for free. Do you think we're fools?"

"What does it matter? Just one would do, you have plenty anyways!"

"That...... wait a moment, who are you guys anyway?"

"I'm Suzumiya Haruhi, Commander of the SOS Brigade, and these two are Subordinate One and Subordinate Two."

Wait, who decided we're your subordinates!?

"I command you in the name of the SOS Brigade: hand over a computer at once! Don't give me any excuses!"

"I don't know who you guys are, but absolutely not! You can go buy your own computers!"

"Since you've said that, we have our ways."

Haruhi's eyes glared fearlessly. Oh no, that is a bad omen!

Haruhi pushed Asahina who was standing awestruck next to her towards the president, and then she grabbed his hand and placed it on Asahina's breast.

"Kyaaa~~!!!"

"Wha!?"

Click!

At the sound of the two screaming, I clicked the camera shutter.

Haruhi grabbed Asahina, preventing her from escaping, while her other hand propelled the president's hand harder into Asahina's breast.

"Kyon! One more picture!"

I reluctantly pressed the shutter again. Asahina, and the nameless president, you have my sincerest apologies. Just as Haruhi was about to stuff the president's hand under Asahina's skirt, the president finally broke free.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!?"

Haruhi waved her finger elegantly at the furiously blushing president.

"Uh uh uh! We now have photographic evidence of you sexually harassing our members! If you don't want the school to know about these photos, then hand over the computer!"

"What kind of joke is this!?"

The president protested furiously. I totally understand how you feel, man.

"You forcefully grabbed my hand! I'm innocent!"

"Oh really? You can try explaining, but who's going to believe you?"

I turned and looked at Asahina lying on the ground paralyzed. She must have been in so much shock that all energy had left her.

On the other hand, the president continued to resist.

"My members are witnesses to my innocence! That was not of my own will!"

The three members who were standing dumbstruck all nodded their heads vehemently.

"That's right!"

"The president is innocent!"

If Haruhi could listen to you guys, then she wouldn't be Suzumiya Haruhi.

"All right, then I'll just say you guys gang-raped Asahina!"

At this instance, everyone's face turned white, including mine and Asahina's. Oh god, did it really have to come to this?

"S... Suzumiya-san......!"

Asahina desperately looped her arms around Haruhi's feet, but Haruhi simply kicked them off. Haruhi then lifted her chest and arrogantly said:

"So how about it? Are you giving us one or not?"

The president's face went from red to white, finally turning dark.

In the end, he surrendered.

"Just pick one and get out!"

Having said that, the president sat down dejectedly. His members all rushed towards him.

"President!"

"Get a hold of yourself!"

"Are you all right?"

The president's head drooped like a puppet whose strings were broken. Seeing such a broken figure, even as Haruhi's companion, I couldn't help but shed a tear of sadness for him.

"Which one is the latest model?"

You're such a cold-blooded girl!

"Why should we tell you!?"

The angry members continued their meager resistance, but Haruhi simply pointed at me and my camera.

"D...damn it! That one!"

Haruhi looked in the direction the member pointed and inspected the model and serial number of the computer. Then, she took out a piece of paper from her skirt pocket.

"I went to the electronics store and asked for a list of the latest models. This doesn't seem to be one of them."

This girl has everything so meticulously planned that it's becoming scary.

After inspecting all the other computers, Haruhi pointed to one of them.

"I want this one."

"W...wait! We just bought that last month!"

"Camera."

"...T...take it, you thieves!"

Like he said, we were truly thieves.

Haruhi's greed knew no bounds. After plucking all the cables and wires, she moved all the necessary equipment back to the Literature Club room without consideration. She then had the Computer Study Group people reinstall the wires for us and had them lay two internet cables from their room to ours, so we could use the internet. She even forced them to set up an intranet for us. Her despicable ways are no different from a robber!

"Asahina-senpai."

Being helpless the whole time, I could only slowly pick up a devastated Asahina, who was kneeling on the ground, covering her face and sobbing endlessly.

"Let's go back."

"Sob......"

Haruhi, you idiot, can't you grope your own breasts!? For someone who undresses in front of guys without a second thought, this is nothing! I comforted Asahina, while mumbling about what on earth Haruhi wanted a computer for.

Very soon, I would find out.

And that is to make an SOS Brigade website!

All right, here comes the question: Who should make the website?

"You, of course!" Haruhi said.

"Since you're so free, you might as well do it! I'm busy looking for the remaining members!"

The computer was placed on the desk with the "Danchou" pyramid tag. Haruhi added while surfing the net with her mouse:

"Have it completed in the next day or two. We won't be able to do anything without a webpage."

Asahina's body lay over the desk, her shoulders shivering, next to where Nagato Yuki is sitting, who as usual just reads her book, ignoring everything. Seems like I'm the only one who heard what Haruhi was saying. I had no choice but to comply with her. At least I'm pretty sure that's what Haruhi thought.

"I can't do anything even if you say that."

That's what I wanted to say, to be honest. I'm not used to receiving orders from Haruhi! The only reason I agreed is because it's a webpage: I haven't done it before, but it does sound interesting.

And so, my arduous webpage design began on the second day.

Having said that, it was much easier than I thought. Because the guys from Computer Study Group already had all the software installed on the hard drive, all I needed to do was just follow the program and do some copy and pasting, and that was it.

The problem is, what should I write on the website?

Right now, I still don't know what the SOS Brigade is about, so I had absolutely nothing to write about. After writing 'Welcome to the SOS Brigade Home Page!' on the top, I simply stopped. "Hurry up and finish it, you hear?" Haruhi's words sounded like a curse ringing through my ears, so I had to use my lunch time to continue my designing while having my lunch.

"Nagato-san, do you have any ideas on what to write?" I asked Nagato, who seemed to come here even during lunch break.

"Not really."

She didn't look up. I know this is none of my business, but I'm curious as to whether she even pays attention in class.

Turning my eyes from Nagato back to the 17 inch monitor, I fell into deep thought again.

I suddenly thought of a problem: what would happen if the school found out that a yet-to-be-recognized association is using their bandwidth to host a website?

"It's all right as long as they don't find out!" I imagined Haruhi replying, "If it does gets discovered, then we'll just abandon the website. This sort of stuff is first come, first served, you know?"

Really, in some ways I'm rather envious of Haruhi's optimistic and forward-looking attitude!

After making some website links and writing the email address—it's a bit early to set up a forum—I uploaded the website, which only contained a front page without any details on it.

That should do! After making sure the page could load, I switched off the computer. As I was about to stretch myself, I was startled to find Nagato standing right behind me.

That's strange, how come I didn't hear her making any footsteps? I didn't know when Nagato arrived behind me. Her face was as white as a mask. She stared at me with her poker face as though I was some eye test chart.

"Take this."

She handed me a very thick book, which I impulsively took. It sure is heavy! Looking at the cover, it was the science fiction novel Nagato was reading a few days ago.

"For you."

After saying that, Nagato left the room without even turning back; I didn't even have time to say anything. Why are you lending such a thick book to me? At this moment, the bell rang signaling the end of lunch break. Seems like there aren't a lot of people who respect my opinion.

After I carried the hardback book back to my classroom and sat down, I felt someone poking my back with a mechanical pencil.

"So, is the website done?"

Haruhi held the edges of the desk and stared at me with a stiff face. I noticed that her notebook was full of scribbles here and there. I tried to ignore the stares of my classmates and replied:

"It's done all right, but it's a very simple, crappy website."

"That'll do, as long as it has an email address."

Why can't you register your own free email address!?

"That won't do! What if a lot of people sent their mail in and flooded my inbox?"

I don't understand how a newly registered email address could get flooded with mail so quickly.

"That's a secret!"

After saying that, she gave a mysteriously sinister smile. I have a bad feeling about this.

"You'll know once school has ended today, but until then, it's highly classified."

Please, I'd rather you never tell me what it is!

In the sixth period, Haruhi was nowhere to be seen in class. She couldn't have gone home, could she? That wouldn't be possible. It's probably another bad omen.

Very soon it was the end of class, and I automatically walked towards the club room. Though I wondered why I did so, my footsteps never stopped. Finally, I arrived at the club room.

"Hello there!"

As expected, there sat Nagato Yuki and Asahina.

I know I'm not one to criticize, but these two sure have a lot of free time on their hands!

Seeing me enter, Asahina greeted me with a relieved expression. Seems like having to spend time alone with Nagato can be exhausting.

Wait a moment, you just suffered Haruhi's evil clutches yesterday, and you're still coming today?

"Where's Suzumiya-san?"

"God knows. She hasn't been in the class since the sixth period. She's probably off to nick equipment from somewhere."

"Do I have to do what Suzumiya-san had me do yesterday again......?"

Seeing how depressed Asahina looked, I said gently:

"Don't worry! If she tries doing anything strange to you, I'll do everything I can to stop her. She can use her own body for blackmail! It's not like I can't beat her when it comes to scuffles!"

"Thank you."

Seeing her bow at me cutely, I really felt like embracing her tightly. But of course I didn't do that.

"Then I'm counting on you."

"No problem at all!"

Even though I repeatedly assured her, five minutes later, all those reassurances got thrown out the window, into the sea, and evaporated like a water droplet on the surface of the sun. Oh, how naive I was!

"Hiya!"

Haruhi greeted us energetically and entered the room, carrying with her two paper bags.

"Sorry guys, I was delayed."

That sure is kind of you! For someone obsessed like Haruhi, to be considerate of others is probably the last thing on her mind.

Placing the paper bags on the ground, Haruhi turned and locked the door. Asahina reflexively shuddered upon hearing the door click.

"Suzumiya, what are you planning today? I'll be frank, I'm not going to do anything like plundering and blackmailing again!"

"What are you talking about? I'd never do such a thing!"

Really? Then how do you explain the computer on the desk!?

"By peaceful means of course! OK, first things first, let's have a look at this."

She pulled out a bunch of A4 papers with some handwriting on top from one of the paper bags.

"These are flyers made to introduce the SOS Brigade to everyone. It took me a lot of hard work to sneak into the photocopying room and print these 200 flyers!"

Haruhi handed out the flyers to us. So that's why you skipped class, huh? You should count yourself lucky that you weren't caught. I wasn't interested in what was written on the flyer, but since I've already taken one, I might as well read what it had to say.

"The SOS Brigade founding principle:

"We, the SOS Brigade, are seeking all sorts of paranormal events in this world. We welcome anyone who has experienced, is experiencing, or senses that they will experience any kind of supernatural or mysterious events to come to us for consultation. We will do our best to answer your questions. Please note, however, that we do not handle normal paranormal events; it must be a paranormal event that we deem to be very shocking. Our email address is......"

I'm starting to have a faint idea of what the SOS Brigade is all about now. It seems that, no matter what, Haruhi wanted to indulge herself in the world of science fiction, mystery, and fantasy novels.

"All right, time to hand out the flyers."

"Where do we do that?"

"At the school entrance. Right now there's still a lot of students who haven't gone home yet."

Yes, yes, yes, whatever you say, ma'am. Just as I'm about to pick up the paper bag with the flyers, Haruhi stopped me.

"You don't have to go, just me and Mikuru-chan will do."

"What?"

Asahina, who was carrying a flyer in her hands, turned her head looking puzzled. I turned and saw Haruhi fumbling through the other paper bag, taking out something.

"Tada!"

Smiling as happily as a robotic cat, Haruhi pulled out a piece of black garment. No, it can't be! As Haruhi finished emptying the contents of the paper bag from the fourth dimension, I understood at once why she wanted Asahina to hand the flyers, and I prayed for her well being. Asahina, may your soul rest in peace!

A black leotard, net stockings, bunny ears, bow tie, white cuffs, and a bunny tail.

Isn't that a bunny girl costume!?

"W... What are those for?" Asahina asked shyly.

"You should know. To dress up as a bunny girl!" Haruhi said matter-of-factly.

"Y... You wouldn't want me to wear that, w... would you?"

"Of course! I even prepared one for you!"

"I... I'm not wearing that!"

"Don't worry, the size will fit you perfectly."

"T... That's not the problem! Y... You wouldn't want me to wear that at the school entrance, w... would you?"

"Why, of course."

"No! I don't wanna!"

"Stop complaining!"

This is it; she's been targeted. Haruhi leapt onto Asahina, like a mother lion preying upon a helpless deer, and began tearing off her sailor uniform.

"NOOO......"

"Now be a good girl and don't move!" Haruhi said roughly while swiftly pulling off Asahina's top, then she moved onto Asahina's skirt. Just as I was about to stop Haruhi's insanity, my eyes met Asahina's.

"D... DON'T LOOK!!!"

Hearing her scream, I hurriedly ran towards the door... Damn it! The door's locked! It took me a while before I could unlock the door and rushed out of the room.

Before I left, I took one quick peek—I discovered Nagato reading her book as if nothing had happened. Doesn't she have anything to say about this!?

I leaned back on the door, hearing Asahina's screams from behind it.

"Kyaa~~!!!" "Nooo" "A... at least let me take them off myself...Sob~~!"

These are mixed in with Haruhi's yells of victory.

"That's great!" "Take that off! Quickly!" "You should have done what I said!"

Damn it, don't ask me to fantasize about what's going on inside!

A moment later, Haruhi's voice came through the door.

"You can come in now!"

As I sighed entering the room, I was greeted by the sight of two beautiful bunny girls. Whether it's Haruhi or Asahina, they both suit the costume well.

A large part of their backs and cleavage were exposed, the net stockings wrapping their legs nicely and the pair of bunny ears bouncing above their heads......

Haruhi is skinny but has the right proportions; Asahina is small, but her figure is also perfect. To be honest, they really are a feast to behold for the eyes!

Just as I was wondering whether to say "The costume suits you," to a crying Asahina, Haruhi said:

"What do you think?"

And you still have the balls to ask me what I think. Is your skull badly damaged!?

"This is going to grab everyone's attention. At this rate, people will definitely come to get the flyers!" said Haruhi.

"If you wear such strange costumes out in the open, people are going to look at you funny...... Wait a minute, how come Nagato-san doesn't need to wear this?"

"I only bought two sets. Since they come with accessories, they're very expensive."

"Where'd you buy this stuff anyway?"

"On the net."

"...... I see."

Just as I was wondering when Haruhi became taller than me, I noticed she was wearing high-heeled shoes as well.

Haruhi picked up the paper bag containing the flyers.

"Let's go, Mikuru-chan."

Asahina crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at me pleadingly. I could only stare at her in her bunny girl outfit.

I'm sorry, I just couldn't dredge up any resistance.

Asahina tried to grab the table and resist, sobbing like a kid, but she was no match for Haruhi's strength. She was dragged away by Haruhi, and the two bunny girls disappeared from the room. Just as I sat down dejectedly, feeling guilty of myself...

"That."

Nagato Yuki pointed on the ground. I looked and saw two sailor uniforms lying there...... Erm, is that a bra I just saw?

The short-haired, spectacled girl pointed at the cabinet at the other side of the room and then went back to reading her book.

Can't you pick up the clothes yourself!?

I sighed and went to pick up their clothes, placing them in the cabinet. Ah~!~, you could feel their body temperature on the clothes. They're still warm!

Half an hour later, an exhausted Asahina returned. Whoa, her eyes are as red as a bunny's, I'd better not say anything yet. I hurriedly gave her a chair, and like last time, she simply sat and drooped towards the table, her shoulders shivering. Looks like she doesn't even have the strength to change. But facing that naked back of hers, I didn't know where else to look, so I took off my jacket and draped it across her shivering shoulders. The presence of a sobbing girl and a bookworm who didn't care about what was going on, along with me who was at a loss with what to do, had brought the atmosphere of the room to an all-time low. The screams of the Baseball Club could be heard in the distance.

As I was about to think of what's for dinner tonight, Haruhi returned. The first thing she did was scowl angrily:

"Damn them! What the hell, those damn teachers! They always get in the way!"

Not sure why she was so angry, I asked:

"Is there a problem?"

"I hadn't even handed out half the flyers and in comes a stupid teacher asking us to stop handing them out! What the hell is wrong with him?"

You moron. If the teachers ignored something like students dressing up as bunny girls and handing out flyers at the school entrance, then that'd be abnormal!

"Mikuru-chan was nearly in tears, and I got taken to see the Dean, and then that Okabe from the Handball Club came!"

I guess the Dean and Okabe-sensei probably didn't know where to place their eyes when looking at you dressed like that.

"Man, this pisses me off! That's it for today! Dismissed!"

Haruhi slowly took off her bunny ears and then proceeded to remove her bunny girl costume. I immediately rushed out of the room.

"How long are you going to cry like that? Hurry up and change!"

I leaned on the corridor wall and waited for them to change. Seems like Haruhi isn't really a born exhibitionist, it's just that she has no idea what effect the sight of her being half naked would have on guys. The reason she dressed herself up in a bunny costume wasn't really to show her sexy body, but rather to attract people's attention.

At this rate, there's no way she can experience a normal romantic relationship.

I wish she could be more considerate of how the guys think. At least be considerate for me! Honestly, to hang out with such a crazy person is really exhausting. Besides, for Asahina's sake I had to wish for that. Right...... Nagato-san, at least let us know what your opinion is!

A while later, Asahina emerged from the room, giving a sad expression of someone who had just failed her exams. She needed to support herself on the wall or she would surely fall. Not knowing what to say to her, I could only stand in silence.

"Kyon-kun......"

Her dreamy voice sounds like one of those ghosts from the haunted sunken cruise ships.

"If something should happen so I cannot become a bride, will you take me...?"

Erm, what should I say? And, why are you calling me Kyon as well!?

Asahina returned my jacket to me in a robotic way. Just as I was wondering if she would fall into my chest and cry, she'd already walked away.

Damn...... such a pity!

The next day, Asahina took the day off.

Haruhi was already famous enough in school, but after the bunny girl incident, her name and eccentricity had become the stuff of school legends. Not that I really mind, since I'm not really responsible for Haruhi's actions!

What I do mind is, Suzumiya Haruhi's actions have caused everyone to start gossiping about Asahina Mikuru as well. That, and the odd glares I receive from everyone at school.

"Hey, Kyon...... seems like you're having a fun time with Suzumiya......"

Taniguchi said to me in a sympathetic tone after school. "I never thought you would become good friends with her...... looks like nothing is impossible in this world!"

Ah, shut up!

"I was surprised yesterday! Seeing bunny girls while I was heading home, I thought I was dreaming!"

Kunikida joined in the conversation, carrying a familiar flyer with him.

"What is this SOS Brigade? What's it about?"

Go ask Haruhi that question. I don't know, nor do I want to. Even if I did, I don't feel like telling you!

"It asks us to provide any paranormal events, but it doesn't define what those are. And, what does it mean by not handling normal paranormal events?"

Even Asakura Ryouko came to have a word with me.

"You guys seem to be doing some interesting stuff. But if it's something that's way overboard, I advise you to stop at once. Honestly, you guys went too far yesterday."

If I had known, I would have taken the day off as well today!

Haruhi is still mad. On one hand, she's mad that the teachers stopped her from handing out the flyers; on the other hand, she's mad that the SOS Brigade email inbox is completely empty. I expected one or two prank mails in the inbox, but it turns out people were more rational than I thought. Perhaps no one wanted to have anything to do with Haruhi and get themselves in trouble?

Haruhi scowled at the empty inbox, shaking the optical mouse vigorously.

"Why isn't anyone sending any mail in?"

"There wasn't any yesterday nor today. Maybe everyone does have experiences they could tell, but just can't trust a suspicious looking club like ours?"

I tried to explain unconvincingly.

Have you experienced any paranormal events? Yes. Oh, that's great, then please tell me. All right, actually......

Please! It's not as if something like that would happen, OK? Now you listen, Haruhi! Those sorts of things would only occur in a comic book or novel. Real life is very cruel and strict. Things like a conspiracy to destroy the world from a normal prefecture high school, mutant organisms wandering in a peaceful suburban area, or a spaceship hidden inside a mountain, all these things are impossible. Impossible! You hear me? You understand now, don't you? All your eccentric behavior is a result of you not being able to find a way to release your unhappy emotions, isn't that right? But, it's time for you to wake up. You should settle down and find a boyfriend who would take you home every day and to the movies on Sundays, or maybe you should join some sports clubs to release your excess energy. With your abilities, you'd get into the first team in no time, becoming an active member.

......I had wanted to say more, but I had only thought up to five lines when Haruhi's fists came waving over, so I'd better stop here.

"Mikuru-chan took the day off today, I hear?"

"Maybe she's not coming back. Such a poor girl, I hope she's not traumatized by yesterday's events."

"Damn, and I prepared a new costume for her to try on today!"

"Can't you try them on yourself!?"

"Of course I can! It's just that it'll be too boring without Mikuru-chan."

Nagato Yuki blended in with the background as though she were invisible. Strange, why are you so obsessed with Asahina; why can't you for once try the costume on Nagato and force her to play along with you? I know I shouldn't say this, but thinking about it, I'd like to see how the normally expressionless Nagato would look in that bunny girl costume. She'd definitely give a feeling different from the often crying Asahina.

The transfer student Haruhi had expected has finally arrived!

Haruhi told me the news before homeroom one day.

"Don't you think it's great? He's really coming!"

Haruhi leaned forward towards me, speaking excitedly. Her bright smile was like a kindergarten kid finally getting the toy she wants.

I don't know where she heard it from, but the transfer student is going to be in Class 1-9.

"This is a chance in a lifetime. It's a pity he isn't in the same class, but he's definitely a mysterious transfer student, there's no mistake!"

You haven't even met him, so how do you even know if he's a mysterious transfer student?

"Didn't I say it before? A high percentage of those that get transferred in the middle of the school term are abnormal."

Who on earth made such a statistic? I guess that is a mystery in itself.

If everyone who gets transferred in the middle of May is abnormal, then there'd be loads of mysterious transfer students all over Japan.

But, Haruhi's way of thinking cannot be confined by logic. After the first session bell rang, Haruhi instantly ran out of the classroom. She probably went to visit the Mystery Transfer Student in Class 1-9.

Just before the bell rang to signal the beginning of class, Haruhi returned with a confused face.

"So is he a mysterious transfer student......?"

"Hmm...... doesn't feel like one."

Of course he doesn't!

"I did talk to him, but I still don't have enough information. Maybe he's just putting up a front as a normal person; I believe that's highly probable. After all, it's not like they would expose their real identities on the day they transferred. I'll go ask again at the next recess."

Please don't go ask again! I can imagine the Class 1-9 students, who had nothing to do with Haruhi, being scared to death by her sudden appearance while she grabbed one of the students to ask, "Where's the transfer student?", before she rushed towards him. That, or she would barge in when he was having a conversation with his friends and interrogate the startled transfer student with questions like "Where are you from? Who are you really?"

At this moment, I thought of something else.

"Is the transfer student a guy or a girl?"

"Though there's a possibility of a disguise, he appears to be a guy."

Then he is a guy!

Seems like the SOS Brigade has a chance of recruiting another male member besides me. Haruhi might just drag that transfer student in without hearing his opinion simply because he's new. But, he may not be as nice as me or Asahina. Can she really bring him into the club? No matter how strong-willed Haruhi is, someone with a strong opinion would simply ignore her!

As long as we have the numbers, the "Suzumiya Haruhi Brigade to Bring More Excitement to the World" would be formed as an association. No matter if the school recognizes it or not, the person that has to do all the paperwork and menial tasks is most likely to be... me! For the next three years, I will have to carry the name of "Subordinate of Suzumiya Haruhi" and live my days in despair.

I hadn't thought of what I want to do when I graduate, but I knew that I wanted to go to a university, so I had to watch my behavior. But as long as I'm with Haruhi, it seems that this wish could never become true.

What should I do?

I couldn't think of anything.

I know I should have just confronted Haruhi, had her dismiss the SOS Brigade, and then tried my best to persuade her to live a normal high school life. Perhaps I could have gotten her to stop thinking about aliens and time travelers, settle down and find a boyfriend, or join some sports club, and be content with these three years of high school.

Sigh, it would be great if I could have done that!

If I'd have had stronger willpower, I wouldn't have gotten sucked so helplessly into the whirlpool centered around Suzumiya Haruhi. I would have peacefully lived out these three years of high school and graduated normally.

......Hopefully, it would have been like that!

However, the reason I'm saying this is because of the strange events afterwards that have happened to me; I believe everyone understands now?

Where should I begin?

Right, let's start from when the transfer student first arrived at our club room.

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