Suzumiya Haruhi:Volume2 Chapter1

From Baka-Tsuki

Chapter 1

High schools organize certain activities from time to time, and the high school that I attend held a sports day last month. When Haruhi suggested that the SOS Brigade participate in the inter-club relay race, one of the many competitive events held that day, I felt quite dubious. To make things worse, we ended up actually beating the Athletics club and the Rugby club in the relay race in which Haruhi overwhelmed the second place runner by a whole thirteen horses' lengths!

So as a result, our club went from being an unspoken taboo, only discussed in the shadows (except by me), towards being the current fad at school, reminiscent of a troublemaker who pulls fire alarms. I was already at a total loss on how to deal with this but there was more. Of course Haruhi was the main instigator in all this, but Nagato, who had run the second leg of the race, was just as guilty. I could never forget her speed, which could only be described as instantaneous movement. Nagato, you should at least warn me before you do that!

When I asked Nagato what sort of magic she used this time, the stoic, alien-created living humanoid interface replied with explanatory terms such as "energy positioning", "molecular dispersion" and other jargon. Of course, such explanations meant nothing to me since I had already decided to embrace the artistic subjects and abandon the scientific ones, to which I gave absolutely no effort in comprehension or trying to comprehend.

After that tumultuous sports day ended, a month passed by and the school festival came up. So at this moment, this insignificant prefectural high school is busily preparing for this festival... though the only people who are really doing anything are the teachers and members from the organizing committee and the art-related clubs, since it is their only chance to flex their muscles.

Now when it came to club-related contributions to the festival, the as-yet unrecognized SOS Brigade was not required to provide any creative attractions. Actually, if it were allowed as our club contribution, I wouldn't mind locking up a stray cat in a cage, adding a sign indicating "Extraterrestrial Alien" and displaying it as a sideshow attraction to make money just like in a circus. Though I think that would be unwise because people without a sense of humour would be terribly offended while others with a sense of humour would only laugh despicably.

This sort of attraction wouldn't require any serious consideration for values and success--it didn't even require any real effort. The same could be said for the rest of the attractions. High school festivals in real life can be that gritty. If you think I'm joking, visit any school holding festivities. When you do, you will realize by then that such attractions are pretty much considered a regular expectation of school festivals.

On the other hand, what did class 1-5, the class Haruhi and I belong to, intend to do that day? It turns out that we will be preparing some sort of lame questionnaire. I can see it only as a cover so as to appear to be organizing something for the festival. Ever since Asakura Ryouko disappeared this spring, our class had been devoid of a student with leadership qualities. So due to the lack of student participation, this uncreative idea was painstakingly brainstormed by Okabe-sensei during the long and boring homeroom session. Without anyone consenting or objecting, the motion passed and the long homeroom session was over. But what kind of questionnaire? Who would actually be interested in doing this?

Probably no one, I suppose. But since it's been decided, keep up the great work guys!

And so, suffering from apathy syndrome, I walked wearily towards the club room.

Why did I go, you ask?

Naturally, this is because of a domineering girl coming towards me and rambling endlessly, "What questionnaire? This is so retarded!"

She said this with an outraged expression on her face, "I mean where's the fun in that? I totally don't get it!"

Then why didn't you suggest something better? Weren't you there as well, looking at Okabe-sensei standing there like a lonely ghost, not knowing what to do?

"Forget it, I never intended to join any of the class's activities anyway. There's no fun in organizing an activity with these guys."

But didn't you contribute to the class by winning all of the inter-class races on sports day? I thought it was you who won as the last baton in the short, medium, and long distance relays. Or has my memory served me wrong?

"That was different."

What was different?

"A school festival is a school festival, or in other words, a campus festival. Though public schools are seldom called campuses, but that doesn't matter. After all, isn't the school festival the most important activity of the whole school year?"

Is that so?

"Absolutely!" She nodded vigorously, then faced me and announced the following, "The SOS Brigade will do something very interesting!"

The face of Suzumiya Haruhi now shone with the same determined look as Hannibal, who had decided to cross the Alps during the Second Punic War.

Shining she may be, but......

For the past six months, whatever Haruhi thought was "interesting" was anything but interesting to me, and her interests have all resulted in me being exhausted. At least that's so for me and Asahina, but this is because we're normal human beings after all. From what I see, it is common knowledge that Haruhi isn't a normal person, while Koizumi possesses a state of mind not present in ordinary humans. As for Nagato, she's not even human to begin with.

Hanging out with this bunch, how am I supposed to live peacefully through this extraordinary high school life of mine? I really don't want to get involved in silly stuff anymore. Just thinking about it is enough to give me an urge to aim a gun at my forehead, or extract and burn the brain cells containing those memories. Though I don't know what Haruhi would say about that.

Maybe I was too busy thinking how to erase those memories of the past because I wasn't paying attention to what the annoying girl next to me was raving about.

"Hey, Kyon, are you even listening?"

"I wasn't, where were you again?"

"The school festival! You ought to be more excited! We only get a school festival once a year!"

"That may be true, but you don't have to be so concerned about it."

"Of course I have to be concerned! It won't be a school festival if it isn't exciting enough. It should be like the campus festivals that I know of."

"Did you do something ridiculous while in junior high?"

"No, it wasn't fun at all. So it won't be reasonable if the high school festival isn't fun as well."

"Then what is it that you find interesting?"

"Like real monsters appearing in a haunted house; the number of steps in a flight of stairs suddenly increasing; the number of school mysteries jumping from seven to thirteen; an Afro hairstyle three times the size of a normal head appearing on the principal's head; the school transforming into a giant robot and doing battle with the monster from under the sea; or even autumn being represented by plum blossoms..."

After listening halfway, I stopped paying attention to Haruhi, so I forgot what was said after she mentioned how many number of steps there are in a flight of stairs. If anyone was paying attention, please do let me know.

"......Sigh, forget it. I'll tell you more when we get to the club room."

Haruhi strode in large footsteps towards the club room in a bad mood, and in a moment's time, we arrived at the door. The sign above the door read, "Literature Club," and cellotaped under that sign was a piece of paper with scribbling that read "with the SOS Brigade."

"Since we've stayed here for half a year already, I don't suppose anyone would mind if we claimed this room for ourselves." Haruhi unilaterally declared her sovereignty over the use of the room and had wanted to remove the original sign, but I stopped her. After all, it's important for humans to maintain a certain amount of caution in their actions.

Haruhi opened the door without knocking, and standing inside was a fairy girl. When her eyes met with mine, she smiled like a lily blossoming.

"Oh... hello."

Wearing a maid costume and sweeping the room with a broomstick is the best tea girl ever, the pride of the SOS Brigade - Asahina Mikuru-san. As usual, she carried a sweet smile befitting of a fairy residing in the club room and welcomed my arrival. Maybe she is a fairy in disguise. She feels more like a fairy than a time traveler from the future.

Asahina was forcefully dragged over by Haruhi at the founding of the brigade, as Haruhi explained, "we needed a mascot." Then under Haruhi's demands, she was forced to put on a maid costume and has since become the SOS Brigade's official maid. Every day after school she would transform into the perfect maid. This is not because of any loose screws in her brain, but more like she was so honest and so sincere that I could almost cry.

Asahina has dressed as a bunny girl, a nurse and all other sorts of costumes for the SOS Brigade. Yet I felt the maid costume suited her best. To put it simply, it's because this costume has no hidden meaning or innuendo, which was why I hoped she would go on like that. Maybe I should emphasize something: Haruhi's actions rarely have any meaning to them.

Yet her actions often become the trigger for something else, and have put us into a lot of trouble. So I actually felt it would be better for her actions to be truly meaningless.

The often eccentric Haruhi has very rarely done anything correctly, or I should say she's only ever done one correct thing, and that is in picking Asahina's maid costume. Since it suited her too well, it's enough to make people dizzy. It is only for this alone that I give credit to Haruhi's eccentric behavior. I don't know where she bought it or how much she paid, but Haruhi does have some taste when it comes to elegant costumes. Though I believe Asahina would look great in anything she wears, just like a professional model. And my favorite costume of them all is the maid costume. There must be some meaning with this costume, for it was always able to satiate my visual senses.

"I'll go brew some tea."

Asahina said with her soft, adorable voice. She placed the broomstick into the cleaning cabinet and scurried over towards the kitchen cupboard, taking out everyone's cups.

My abdomen suddenly suffered an intense pain, and when I came to my senses, I realized Haruhi had jabbed her elbow into me.

"Your eyes have squinted as thin as a line now."

Maybe I was too moved by Asahina's cute movements, so naturally I squinted my eyes leaving only a narrow gap. I believe everyone would have the same reaction after seeing the adorably elegant and shy Asahina.

Haruhi walked towards the desk with a black triangular spike that read "Commander," and took out an armband that also read "Commander" from the drawer and put it on. She then kicked the steel chair out from the desk and sat on it, overlooking the club room.

Sitting by the corner of a table reading a thick book was another member of the brigade.

"......"

Sitting there fully concentrated on reading her book is none other than Nagato Yuki, the first year Literature Club student, who to Haruhi would be like "a bonus gift that comes along with occupying the Literature Club room."

Her existence is as subtle as nitrogen in the atmosphere, yet of all the first years in the brigade she is the most extraordinary. Her extraordinariness far exceeds that of Haruhi. I know absolutely nothing about Haruhi, yet while I do know something about Nagato, this only makes me even more confused about her. If what Nagato said was correct, then this silent short-haired little schoolgirl lacking of expression, emotion, and empathy is not a human but a living humanoid interface created by aliens to interact with humans. It still sounds very absurd. But since she herself has said so, I do not want to question any further since it does sound real. Of course, Haruhi doesn't know about this; Haruhi still treats her as "quite a weird bookworm."

Though objectively speaking, "quite" is an understatement.

"Where's Koizumi-kun?"

Haruhi glared at Asahina with her sharp glare. Asahina shuddered for a moment, then said, "Eh...h...he's not here yet, he's quite late today......"

Asahina carefully brought out the tea leaves from the tin and placed them in the little teapot. I casually looked at the hanging rack by the corner of the club room. All sorts of costumes hung on top of it, like a theatre resting room. From the left hung a nurse costume, a bunny girl costume, a summer maid costume, a yukata, a white blouse, a leopard skin costume, a woolen frog puppet costume, and all other sorts of unidentifiable costumes.

For the past six months these costumes have all graced the warm skin of Asahina. Let me explain further, there is absolutely no reason for Asahina to wear these costumes, apart from satisfying Haruhi's own ego. Maybe she suffered some sort of trauma in the past? Like not getting the dress-up doll she wanted when she was young, so now she sees Asahina as a large doll to play around with. Thanks to this, Asahina's emotional scars have increased as the days go by, while my visual senses get stimulated as a result, creating a sense of happiness for me. Sigh. Overall, I don't think a lot of people have benefitted from this, so I'd best not say anything about it.

"Mikuru-chan, tea!"

"Ah...yes! Right away!"

Asahina hurriedly poured the green tea into the cup that had been marked "Haruhi" with a felt-tip pen, and carried it over on a tray.

Haruhi received the teacup and blew the steam off and took a sip. She then spoke like a flower arrangement master berating her disciple for not being diligent enough, "Mikuru-chan, I remember telling you before. Have you forgotten?"

"Huh?" Asahina grabbed the tray with trepidation. "W...what is it?"

She tilted her head like a Java Sparrow reminiscing over the taste of the seeds it ate the day before.

Haruhi placed her cup on the table.

"When carrying tea over, you need to accidentally trip the tea cup over once every three times! You don't look like a clumsy maid at all!"

"Ah, erm......s...sorry."

Asahina shrugged her small shoulders. This is the first time I heard of such a rule; does this girl really believe that maids are supposed to be clumsy?

"You've got a chance now. Mikuru-chan, go use Kyon as practice. When carrying the tea over, make sure you spill the tea over his head."

"Huh?"

Asahina said then looked at me. I would really like to drill a hole in Haruhi's head and replace the contents within. Sadly, I would find nothing inside and can only sigh.

"Asahina, only someone with a damaged brain could think of something like what Haruhi just said."

So keep up the good work! I had wanted to add that, but decided not to in the end.

Haruhi heard and rolled her eyes.

"That idiot over there, I'm not joking! I'm always serious."

Then that's even more problematic; you probably need a CT scan. Besides, I wonder if getting mad at you for calling me an idiot means I lack a sense of humour?

"Forget it, allow me to demonstrate. Then you follow what I do, Mikuru-chan."

Haruhi leaped off the steel chair and swiped the tray from the stuttering Asahina. She then lifted the teapot and began to pour tea into the cup with my name written on it.

As I watched this scene unfold with stunned silence, Haruhi roughly placed the cup on the tray, splashing the tea all over, then stared at where I was sitting and nodded to signal she was about to come over. I promptly picked up the teacup.

"Hey! Don't get in the way!"

What do you mean don't get in the way? The only people who would gladly sit there and wait for someone to pour hot tea over their heads are either being too nice or are trying to con the insurance company.

And so I stood and drank the green tea Haruhi brewed for me and thought to myself: why is it that even though they brewed with the same tea leaves, Asahina's tea tasted so much different from Haruhi's? The answer was obvious even without thinking. The difference between them was a flavouring called "love." If Asahina was a white rose blooming in the wild, then Haruhi would be a special breed of rose that doesn't even blossom and is full of thorns; it probably doesn't even have seeds.

Haruhi looked at me with admonishment as I drank my tea.

"Hmph."

She flicked her hair heavily and returned to her seat. The look on her face was as though she had just swallowed some bitter herbal medicine.

Asahina gave a sigh of relief and went back to her usual serving mode, pouring tea into Nagato's cup and placing it in front of the reading girl.

Nagato didn't move, keeping her head transfixed on the hardcover book. You should try and express some sort of gratitude! If it were Taniguchi, he'd probably want to wait three days before drinking Asahina's tea.

"......"

Nagato flicked the pages without lifting her head. As she's usually like that, Asahina didn't really mind and went to prepare her own cup.

At this moment, the fifth member arrived, though no one would really mind if he hadn't come.

"Sorry, I was delayed, since our class meeting was longer than expected."

Revealing his charmingly harmless smile and standing by the door is Koizumi Itsuki, Haruhi's mysterious transfer student. His handsome face, which I wouldn't introduce my girlfriend to if I had one, was carrying a smile as usual.

"Looks like I'm the last to arrive. If the meeting's delayed because of me, then I sincerely apologize. Maybe it would be better if we grab a bite first?"

Meeting? What meeting? I never knew of any meeting.

"I'd really have forgotten about it if you didn't mention it."

Looking down the table, Haruhi said to me, "I told everyone else about it during lunch break already. I thought I could tell you any time anyway."

You had the time to go to other classrooms, yet you never bothered to tell me, who happened to sit right in front of you in the same classroom?

"Does it really matter? It's the same anyway. The issue is not when you get the message, but what we're doing now."

That's her way of putting things around. No matter what Haruhi says, I'd never feel any better. This is now common knowledge.

"What's more important, we need to discuss what we need to be doing soon!"

Please! Distinguish your present and future tenses! You don't even specify who you are referring to.

"All of us of course! Since this is an SOS Brigade activity."

What activity?

"Didn't I just say it? When else can we hold an activity besides during the school festival?"

Then it's not a brigade activity, but a school activity. If you really want to make the school festival more lively, then you ought to apply to join the festival executive committee. Then you'll have plenty of menial tasks to take care of.

"That won't be meaningful at all. What we need is an SOS Brigade-styled activity! It took us a lot of work to develop the brigade to its present state! There's no one in this school that doesn't know who we are! Don't you understand?"

What on earth is an SOS Brigade-styled activity? Thinking back on the activities that the SOS Brigade has held for the past six months, I suddenly felt melancholic.

You are only saying whatever pops into your mind, that's easy for you, but do you know how much Asahina and I had to suffer these past six months? All Koizumi can do is smile like an idiot, while Nagato couldn't provide much help, you should be more considerate at people like me, who are by your side all the time. Oh, and Asahina's probably not normal as well, but since she's so cute, that's fine with me. Because all she needs to do is just stand there and let my eyes savour the scenery and caress the barren field in my heart.

"We need to do something that suits everyone's expectations,"

Haruhi mumbled, looking unhappy. Speaking of which, just who would expect anything from the SOS Brigade? Now that's something worthy for a questionnaire! The SOS Brigade has not even grown, the number of members has still remained the same, let alone being promoted into an Association. So it's best to maintain the status quo, but sooner or later, the Haruhi Express is going to derail someday. There're only five passengers on this train, at least find a replacement for me. Or perhaps just give me an hourly salary, even 100 yen would do.

Haruhi spent thirty seconds finishing her cup of tea, then asked Asahina for a second cup.

"What about you Mikuru-chan? Do you have any plans?"

"Umm......You mean our class......We're planning on selling noodles and tea......"

"Mikuru-chan is probably a waitress, right?"

Asahina widened her eyes.

"How did you know? I had wanted to do the cooking, but everyone else wanted me to......"

Haruhi's eyes now looked intrigued, the sort of cunning eyes that are up to no good. Her eyes drifted towards the hanging rack, making it obvious she's thinking she hasn't had Asahina dressed as a waitress yet.

Haruhi's expression was now full of thought.

"What about Koizumi-kun's class?"

Koizumi lifted his eyebrow.

"We've decided to stage a play, but opinions in the class were split. Some wanted an original script, while others wanted a classic play. The school festival's coming up but we're still debating intensely about it. It's going to be some time before things can be decided."

Ah, a lively class sure is so much better, though it can be troublesome.

"Hmm."

Haruhi's eyes now moved towards the remaining unspoken member.

"What about Yuki?"

The alien who loved reading now lifted her head like a badger sensing the rain.

"Divinations."

She replied without any emotion as usual.

"Divinations?"

I now cut in and asked.

"Yes."

Nagato, whose face doesn't even look like it's breathing, nodded her head.

"You're in charge of divinations?"

"Yes."

Nagato doing divinations? Is she going to make prophecies? I can imagine Nagato in a black pointed cap, wearing a black cape and carrying a crystal ball; then I imagine a scene where she tells a couple, "You two will break up in fifty-eight days three hours and five minutes."

Couldn't you come up with a better lie? Whether Nagato can predict the future is another mystery I can never know.

Asahina's class is opening a stall, Koizumi's staging a play, while Nagato's class is doing divinations? Why do other classes activities sound so much more interesting than our dull questionnaire activity? Oh yeah, what do you think? Why don't we combine all of the above and have a staged divination tea party play?

"Enough with the idiotic talk, the meeting starts now."

My previous opinion was kicked off cruelly by Haruhi, who walked towards the white board. She pulled the conductor staff until it became as long as a radio antenna and whipped it on the white board.

There's nothing written on it, what do you want me to look at?

"There'll be something written in a while. Mikuru-chan, you're in charge of the records. Carefully write down everything I say."

When did Asahina become the record keeper? I'm afraid no one knows, since Haruhi has just decided that a moment ago.

Asahina, teagirl and record keeper, picked up a felt-tip pen and sat by the board, looking up at Haruhi's face.

Haruhi said in an excited tone, "The SOS Brigade is going to make a movie!"

I really don't understand how Haruhi's brain works. It doesn't really matter, since she's always like that. But then this won't be a meeting, but rather an opportunity for her to showcase her personal ideas.

"Hasn't it always been that way?" Koizumi said softly to me, carrying a smile so dashing one has an urge to go draw it. Koizumi elegantly opened his mouth, "Suzumiya-san probably knew what she wanted to do since the beginning, so I don't think there's much to discuss. Did you tell her something you're not supposed to?"

I don't remember telling her anything about movies today. Maybe she saw a terrible C-movie last night and found it too boring and now she's looking for a way to vent her frustration?

Yet Haruhi was convinced her speech has moved the entire audience and looked very excited. "I bet you all have questions right now?"

I only have questions about how your brain works.

"When a TV series ends, they usually end with the main character dying, but wouldn't that be too unnatural? Why would he die right at the end? It doesn't make any sense, so I hate stories where someone dies at the end. I'd never make movies like that!"

Are we talking about movies or TV series?

"Didn't I just say we're making a movie? Even the ears of the haniwa figures are larger than yours. Go and memorize every single word of what I just said."

I'd rather memorize all the station names of the nearby railway than memorize your crap rhetoric.

Asahina, who doesn't look like she's actually from the Calligraphy Club, elegantly wrote the words "Movie Release" on the board, Haruhi nodded her head in satisfaction.

"That's about it, you understand now?"

Haruhi talked like a weather forecaster cheerfully predicting that the monsoon rain would be over soon.

"What about it?"

I asked, which was natural of course. I only understood "Movie Release". Where does she intend to find a movie studio to endorse her movie? Could she have found a studio already?

Yet Haruhi's dark pupils glittered as she smiled brightly,

"Kyon, has your intelligence deteriorated? Of course we are going to make the movie. The movie is going to be shown in the school festival, with the caption 'SOS Brigade Presents' at the beginning."

"When did we become the Movie Study Group?"

"What are you rambling about? This will always be the SOS Brigade! I don't remember any Movie Study Group around here."

Haruhi callously said something which would probably piss the Movie Study Group if they heard about it.

"This has been decided long ago! There will be no retrial! Further appeals will be rejected!"

Since the leader of the SOS Brigade jury says so, I don't suppose it can be overturned? Just who on earth shoved Haruhi to the SOS Brigade commander throne? No, wait a minute, come to think of it, it was she who claimed the throne for herself. No matter what world you're in, it's always the loud and pretentious people that have ever inflating egos. Thanks to this, people like me and Asahina, who tend to follow the flow, will always feel confused. This is the conflict of this cold and cruel reality; it is also the truth.

As my mind delved into the philosophical question of what counts as an ideal society......

"So that's how it is." Koizumi said, as though he understood everything. He shared his smile equally between me and Haruhi and said, "I understand now."

Hey, Koizumi, don't just gracefully accept the bomb that Haruhi just dropped! Don't you have your own opinions on this?

Koizumi flicked his parting lightly with his finger, "From what I see, we're making a self-made movie to attract visitors to come watch it. Is that right?"

"Exactly!"

Haruhi whipped her "antenna" on the board.

Asahina shuddered, yet she still took the courage and said, "But......why decide to make a movie?"

"Last night, I found I couldn't sleep." Haruhi brought the antenna before her eyes and swung it like a windscreen wiper. "So I turned on the TV and ended up watching a weird movie. I wasn't interested at first, but as I had nothing else to do, I decided to give it a look."

Just as I thought.

"That was a really boring movie, so boring I had an urge to make an international prank call to the director's house; that's why I came up with this idea."

The tip of the conductor staff pointed towards Asahina's tiny face.

"If that kind of movie can exist, then I can definitely make a better one!" Haruhi puffed her chest confidently and said, "That's why I want to give it a try, do you have anything to say about that?"

Asahina shook her head vigorously as if in fear. Even if she did have an opinion, Asahina probably wouldn't say anything, while Koizumi is a nodding yes-man, and Nagato never talks anyway, so the only one doing the talking would always be me.

"You seem determined to be a movie director or producer, that's fine with us, it's your choice and you can pursue that dream as you desire. That means we can now go ahead and pursue our own dreams as well."

"I don't get what you mean."

Haruhi had her lips stuck out like a duck. I patiently explained my detailed analysis to her.

"You say you want to make a movie, yet we never said anything about it. What if we don't like this suggestion? A movie can't be made with just a director alone."

"Relax, I've come up with a script already."

"No, that's not what I meant......"

"There's nothing to worry about. You just do what I tell you to, so don't worry."

I'm very worried.

"Let me do the planning, I'll take care of everything."

I'm even more worried now.

"Man, you sure are annoying! I'm gonna go ahead with what I said I'm gonna do. The aim is to get first place in the school festival activities poll! Who knows, those ignorant idiots at the Student Council may finally recognize the SOS Brigade as an official club......No! I'll make them recognize us. To achieve this goal, we must bring public opinion to our side first!"

Public opinion and exit polls aren't necessarily in direct proportion with each other, you know.

I tried resisting.

"What about the production costs?"

"If you're talking about a budget, we have one."

Where? I don't believe the Student Council will grant a budget to this underground organization that openly conducts its activities.

"Isn't the Literature Club granted a budget as well?"

"That's the Literature Club's budget! You can't use that!"

"But Yuki said it was OK."

Oh boy. I looked at Nagato's face, while Nagato lifted her head in slow motion to look at me, then without saying anything, slowly went back to reading her book.

Won't there be people that want to join the Literature Club? I didn't intend to ask this question, since it's possible that Nagato deliberately arranged for the Literature Club to be on the brink of being canceled. She seems to already know what Haruhi is up to; it'll be a pity if someone else wants to join the Literature Club now. How I wish someone would reclaim the Literature Club from the clutches of Haruhi.

Haruhi didn't notice what I was thinking, waving her antenna in excitement, "Is everyone clear now? Treat this activity as more important than the one at your classes! If anyone has any dissenting opinions, they can tell me after the school festival, OK? The director's orders are absolute!"

Haruhi declared passionately, like a grizzly bear in a zoo holding on to an ice cube during the hot summer. The surroundings no longer concern her.

First she's a brigade commander, now she wants to be a director? What career does she intend to be in? ......And don't tell me you want to be a God.

"That's it for today! Since I need to think of how to choose the cast and crew and find sponsors. There's a lot of stuff involved in making a movie."

I'm not really sure what making a movie involves, but what on earth is she up to? Sponsors?

Slam!

A loud noise echoed across the room. I turned and found Nagato closing her book. That sound has now become the unofficial signal for the SOS Brigade to end its business for the day.

"We'll discuss the details tomorrow!"

After leaving this sentence, Haruhi fled the room like a cat hearing a can of cat food being opened. I don't think there are any details left to explain.

"But isn't that fine?"

The only person who would say that is definitely Koizumi.

"As long as it's not hunting for aliens for a circus freak show, or shooting down a UFO and displaying its contents, then I'm relieved."

Where have I heard this before?

The smiling esper covered his mouth and laughed.

"Besides, I'm quite interested in what movie Suzumiya-san is making, I feel I can imagine more or less what's on her mind."

Koizumi glanced towards Asahina, who was cleaning the teacups.

"This could be an interesting school festival, it'll be fun."

Influenced by him, my eyes also turned towards Asahina. Just as we were staring at the headpiece bouncing with her hair......

"Ah! W...what are you looking at?"

Noticing two horny guys staring at her, Asahina stopped what she was doing and blushed furiously.

I answered inside my heart.

Oh no, it's nothing. I was just thinking, what costume would Haruhi be bringing this time?

Preparing to go home......or rather, simply placing the book into her bag, Nagato stood up silently and headed towards the door. Could Nagato be reading a book about divinations? Because it's written in a foreign language that I couldn't understand.

"But......" I mumbled.

A movie......huh?

To be honest, I'm a bit interested as well, of course my interest is not as deep as Koizumi's, probably just as deep as those marine plankton living off the continental shelf.

Perhaps I should look forward to it?

Since no one else is expecting anything from it.

I take back everything I just said, I don't look forward to anything.

Because after school the next day, I was already suffering.

  - Presented by: The SOS Brigade
  - Executive Producer / Director / Screenwriter: Suzumiya Haruhi
  - Female Lead: Asahina Mikuru
  - Male Lead: Koizumi Itsuki
  - Supporting Character: Nagato Yuki
  - Assistant Director / Cinematography / Editing / Equipment / Information Gathering / 
  Other Menial Tasks: Kyon

When I saw what was written in the notebook, I only thought of one thing,

"So what is it exactly that I'm doing?"

"What was written on it, of course."

Like an orchestra conductor, Haruhi waved her conductor staff.

"You're the backstage staff, just as the cast and crew allocation has described. We've got a formidable cast, right?"

"A...am I the lead?"

Asahina asked in a soft voice. Today she wore her usual school uniform instead of her maid costume, since Haruhi said she didn't need to change today. Looks like Haruhi's going to bring Asahina to someplace today.

"If possible, can I just have a minor role......"

Asahina pleaded with Haruhi with a sad look.

"No," Haruhi replied. "I'm going to make Mikuru-chan famous, after all, you're like the registered trademark of our brigade. All you need to do is practice signing autographs. Since when the movie premieres, the fans will be queuing up for your signature."

Movie premiere? Where does she intend to hold such an event?

Asahina doesn't seem too comfortable with this.

"......But I can't act."

"Don't worry, I'll guide you well."

Asahina lifted her head in trepidation and looked at me, and sadly lowered her eyebrows.

There were only three of us here right now, Because Nagato and Koizumi had meetings for their classes' festival activities, they were going to be late today. I never thought there would be people who would stay behind after school to prepare these things; I mean, all they needed to do was just sit there and get it over with. I was amazed there were quite a number of people who were serious about it.

"On the other hand, Yuki and Koizumi-kun aren't serious about this," Haruhi said in annoyance. Not knowing how to vent her anger, she pointed her finger at me, "I clearly said this activity takes priority over the rest. Yet they chose to be late so they can attend their classes' activities. I really need to give them a warning."

Maybe Nagato and Koizumi-kun had a better sense of belonging with their classes than Haruhi and I. From a certain perspective, it's actually more strange for the three of us to be here at this time.

I suddenly thought of something.

"Asahina-san, don't you need to attend your class's meeting?"

"Um, I'm only on the staff responsible for serving the customers, so all that's left is to design the costumes. I still don't know what costume I'm going to wear, but I'm looking forward to it."

Asahina blushed and smiled. She already seems used to cosplaying now. Instead of sticking around with the SOS Brigade and being forced to wear all sorts of meaningless costumes without any reasons at all, wouldn't it be better for her to wear something appropriate for the right occasion? It's perfectly normal for waitresses to appear in a noodle stall, more so than a maid in the Literature Club room.

I never knew how Haruhi managed to include that in the discussion topic.

"So, Mikuru-chan, you wanted to dress up as a waitress? Why didn't you say so? That'll make things easy, I'll find a costume for you."

I don't really mind you making these sort of witty remarks, but don't you think that it's inappropriate for people in the Literature Club room to wear all sorts of costumes besides their uniform? Even the nurse costume before was questionable, if she has to wear a costume, I still find the maid costume the best......Is this a personal fetish of mine?

"Oh, all right."

Haruhi turned towards me,

"Kyon, do you know what's the most important thing when making a movie?"

Hmm......Well, I tried to recall every movie scene that has moved me which is worthy for reference. When I finished thinking, I confidently answered,

"Innovation and passion?"

"It's nothing that abstract!"

Haruhi rejected my thinking.

"It's a camera, of course! How are we going to shoot a movie without one?"

You may be right, but I wasn't talking about something so pragmatic......Forget it, it's not like I have a lot of innovative ideas or passion for movie making and movie theories, so I wasn't going to argue.

"It's decided."

Haruhi retracted her conductor staff and threw it on the commander's desk.

"We will now go obtain a camera."

Thud! The sound of a chair backtracking can be heard. I turned and saw that Asahina's face had gone pale. Can't really blame her; after all, Haruhi had savagely looted the computer in this room from the Computer Study Group, using poor Asahina as a sacrifice.

Asahina's brown hair shivered, she slowly opened her cherry blossom lips and said,

"U...umm......S...Suzumiya-san, I just remembered something, I need to go back to the classroom."

"Be quiet."

Haruhi wore a horrible expression. Asahina shuddered and instantly sat back on her chair wearily. Haruhi then smiled gently.

"Don't worry."

Just because you said "don't worry" doesn't guarantee something worth worrying about won't happen.

"This time I won't be using Mikuru-chan's body as an offering, I only need your help this time."

Asahina looked at me with eyes as sad as a calf being sent on a truck to the slaughterhouse. Without shouting loudly, I said to Haruhi,

"At least tell us what you want us to help on! Or both Asahina-san and I won't leave this place."

Haruhi's expression read, "What's with these two?"

She said, "I'm going to find a sponsor, it's easier to make an impression if I bring the female lead along, right? You come too! Since you have to carry the equipment."

(Chapter 1 end)

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