Suzumiya Haruhi:Volume2 Chapter3

From Baka-Tsuki

Chapter 3

Saturday came.

We were to meet at the station. When I arrived carrying all the equipment using the largest backpack I could find in my house, I discovered that the other four were already waiting for me.

The sight of Haruhi in her casual clothes and Asahina-san in her usual cuteness was just as captivating as usual. They looked like a pair of mismatched sisters. Asahina-san, who looked more like the younger sister despite being older, wore some mature styled clothing.

Surrounded by three weird people, Asahina-san breathed a sigh of relief as she saw me and nodded while waving at me. Ah, that feels good.

"You're late!"

Haruhi may be yelling at me, but she was obviously quite happy. The reason her hands were empty was because she had stuffed the loudspeaker and director's chair into my baggage as well.

"It's not even nine yet,"

I frowned and said. I looked aside and saw Nagato's porcelain statue-like expression and Koizumi's relaxed smile. Speaking of which, today's a holiday. While it was normal for Nagato to still wear her uniform as she always did, why was Koizumi wearing his uniform as well today?

"This is my costume for the movie, apparently,"

Koizumi replied,

"She told me that yesterday. I will be playing an esper disguised as a high school student."

Isn't that what you are!?

I put down the bags which were stuffed with the camera and all the other shooting equipment and wiped the sweat off my forehead. Haruhi showed an excited face like an elementary school kid ready to set off on a field trip and said,

"Kyon, you'll have to pay a fine since you're the last to arrive, but not now. Right now, we need to ride the bus. I'll be paying for the fares, as that's part of the expenses anyway, but you'll have to treat everyone to a meal."

After unilaterally making this decision, she waved her hand,

"Everyone! The bus stop is this way! Follow me!"

I now noticed the armband on her arm was now labelled "Ultra Director." Looks like Haruhi thinks she's above even a Great Director. Was she about to make an awesome movie?

Let me clarify once more, I still believe making an Asahina-san video special would be more fun than this.

After a bumpy thirty minute bus ride we got off at the bus stop at the bottom of the hill. We then spent another thirty minutes arduously climbing up the mountain path.

We arrived at a forest park such as can be found anywhere in the countryside. This was a place I was very familiar with ever since I was in elementary school, because every year when it comes to going out on a field trip, we always end up going hiking at the nearest mountain.

This was only a park in name, since all the authorities did was open up an empty patch on the hill and build a fountain over it. It was so empty that I can't help but wonder why on earth did I climb so high here anyway. It's only the little kids, having no concept of what entertainment is, who feel happy coming here. And bringing those little kids here were most likely their parents.

Using the fountain in the center of the plaza as a starting point, we decided to make this our base for today's filming. Haruhi, who was empty-handed, had an unlimited amount of energy oozing out, while I was nearly worked out like a dog. If I hadn't shoved half of my baggage to Koizumi, I was sure I would be lying dead on the mountain path already. So, once we arrived at the park, I leaned against the equipment bag which was mainly used for backpacking journeys, trying to catch my breath.

"Would you like a drink?"

A plastic bottle appeared before my eyes. Asahina-san was holding it.

"I drank half of it already, so if you don't mind......"

As this Oolong tea was made by the gods, it must be as sweet as all the heavenly elixirs combined. This has nothing to do with whether she had drunk of it or not, because I would probably be condemned if I refused this. Before I could gracefully accept this gift, a hand from the evil devil pushed off the hand of the angel, as Haruhi grabbed the Oolong tea from Asahina-san and said,

"Leave this for later! Mikuru-chan, now is not the time to give water to these servants in charge of menial tasks. If we don't start soon, we'll be wasting all this good weather. So let's start the filming already."

Asahina-san opened her eyes widely,

"Eh......? Right here?"

"Of course. What did you think we came here for?"

"But don't I have to change? There's nowhere here I can change......"

"That won't be a problem. Look, everywhere is full of these."

Haruhi's finger was now pointed towards the green forest surrounding the park.

"No one would come if you change in the forest, it's like a natural changing room. Come on, let's go!"

"Eh?...KYAA~~!!! H...HEEEEEELP~~!!!"

Before any help could be rendered, Asahina-san was dragged away by Haruhi and they disappeared into the forest.

Asahina-san reappeared wearing her lively waitress costume, with two ponytails tied behind the back of her head. Her eyes looked shyly at the wild flowers growing by the side of the road.

One of her eye colors looked very strange, truly. Only her left eye was blue, just what was in her eye?

"That's a colored contact lens,"

Haruhi explained,

"Having different colors for each eye is also an important factor. Just look at her, isn't her aura of mystery even greater now? All it takes is a little trick. That's a hint!"

She grabbed Asahina-san's chin from behind her back and tilted her little face slightly sideways. Asahina-san can only look perplexed while being toyed around by Haruhi.

"There's a secret hidden with this blue eye," Haruhi said.

"Because if we don't provide any meaning to this, then there's no big deal in having different colored eyes."

Seeing Asahina-san's exhausted, worn-out look was already quite a big deal.

"Then what's the secret with that colored contact lens?"

"Right now it's still a secret."

Haruhi smiled and replied.

"Hey, Mikuru-chan! How long are you going to daydream for? You're the star of the show! Your greatness is only second to that of the executive producer and director! Now straighten your back!"

"KYAA~~!"

Asahina-san made an eerie scream, and was forced by Haruhi to make a pose. Next, Haruhi made Asahina-san carry a gun (a toy gun, that is).

"Show the feel of a female assassin! Make people strongly feel you're from the future!"

Haruhi began making all sorts of unreasonable requests, while Asahina-san tried frantically to make all sorts of poses towards me - the camera that is. She didn't really need to work this hard. Seriously.

In the meantime, Haruhi has shown an abnormally high amount of enthusiasm in this. I too have seen movies that bored the hell out of me. But never once did I think "I could do better than that," and then proceed to try and make a movie myself, and I don't even know how a movie is made anyway. Even if I did shoot a movie, I don't believe I could make it any better myself. Yet, Haruhi really thinks she has the talent to be a director. At least she believes she can make a movie better than the cheap B-movies shown on late nights. Just where did such confidence come from?

Haruhi waved her yellow loudspeaker and yelled,

"Mikuru-chan! Don't be so shy! Set yourself free! Immerse yourself into the character's role and you'll do fine! Right now you're the female protagonist Asahina Mikuru!"

......Of course I knew there was no basis for Haruhi's confidence. She was born with that groundless confidence, which causes the world to constantly fall into chaos. Otherwise she wouldn't be wearing such a ridiculous armband and smiling so boastfully.

Under the instructions of Haruhi the director, we began the filming of the memorable "Action 1."

The scene was named as such, but all it involved was me carrying a camera and filming Asahina-san running across the plaza. I was told this was the opening scene. I felt we should at least have a script, but Haruhi said as a matter-of-factly that there was no such thing.

"It would be troublesome if what we wrote gets leaked out."

That was her reason. It looked as though she was going along the style of those Hong Kong action movies (making it up as you go along). To be honest, I was already exhausted, but compared to Asahina-san, who had to run breathlessly carrying two guns in her hands, my situation wasn't too bad.

Under our watchful gazes, Asahina-san continued to run, wavering left and right along the way. It wasn't until after "Action 5", when the director signalled an "OK" gesture, that she slumped tiredly onto the ground.

"Huff...... huff......"

Ignoring the waitress who put her hands on the ground, catching her breath, Haruhi turned and gave her orders to Nagato, who had been waiting aside all this time,

"We now begin the battle scene between Yuki and Mikuru-chan."

Wearing her favorite black costume, Nagato stepped in front of the camera. As all she did was put a black cloak over her uniform and wear a black pointed hat on her head, she didn't have to be dragged out to the forest to change, so she should count herself lucky. But Nagato looked like the sort of girl who wouldn't flinch a bit no matter where she changed. I wonder what it would be like if their roles were switched? With Nagato as the waitress while Asahina-san would be the magician. It would be a surreal sight, but it sounds good.

Haruhi had Asahina-san and Nagato stand three meters apart facing each other.

"Mikuru-chan, I want you to shoot mercilessly at Yuki."

"Eh?" Asahina-san looked shocked. She shook her untidy hair, which was messed up after running for so long, and said, "But we can't use this to shoot people......"

"Don't worry! Mikuru-chan, you're bound to miss anyway with your skills. Even if you do shoot on target, Yuki would be able dodge easily."

Nagato stood still, silently holding the rod with a decorative star attached to its end.

I thought to myself - even if you were to pull the trigger on Nagato at point blank range, she would still be able to dodge it faster than the speed of lightning.

"Well......"

Asahina-san looked timidly at Nagato like a rookie waitress who had just broken a plate and was reporting to a scary looking chef.

"It's fine..." Nagato replied, then spun the rod in her hand, "...go ahead and shoot."

"Mikuru-chan, even Yuki says she's fine with it, so fire all you like. Let me just make this clear, don't fire both guns at the same time, but one by one alternately! That's the basic skill of a double-barrelled gunman."

Koizumi lifted the light reflector board high above his head, I had no idea where Haruhi got her hands on this one. The Movie Club was probably reporting a theft to the police right now. By the way, Koizumi, aren't you supposed to be the male lead?

"I'm not confident of adapting to any changes that would come along during filming, so instead of being filmed, I much prefer doing this. Yesterday I've been wondering, can't I just remain as a backroom crew......"

"Huh?"

Asahina-san carried a bulky model machine gun and fired ceaselessly with her eyes closed. Standing aside, I had this scene recorded into my camera. I wasn't able to see clearly where the BB bullets went, but from the sight of Nagato standing still without even flinching, it seems she wasn't even hit. Was it because of her magic...... When I began to suspect that, Nagato slowly lifted her wand, she then waved it swiftly and the bullets just fell on the ground in clinking sounds. She wasn't wearing her glasses, yet her keen eyesight continues to amaze me.

Nagato never moved her gaze away from the gun. She was unusual like that, it's as though she wasn't aware, "It wouldn't be natural if I don't blink," yet she was only making herself stand out even more. I don't think I would be surprised whether she walks without blinking or smashes through the ceiling and moves instantaneously. So I wasn't at all fazed by that.

Nagato was like a broken windshield wiper, swinging her wand occasionally. Every time she waved her wand, the BB bullets would make a clattering noise as they hit on the ground.

But, this was a pretty monotonous battle scene. Nagato was busy waving her wand, while Asahina-san simply fired the two guns on her hands, without a single bullet hitting its target, as Haruhi only told her to "fire all you like," she didn't even provide a script. The only lines of dialogue I could hear were Asahina-san going "Ah~~! Kyaa~~!! It's so scary!!"

When Asahina-san used up all the bullets in her guns, Haruhi tapped her shoulder with her loudspeaker. I put down my hand-held camera and walked towards Haruhi, who was sitting on the director's chair,

"Hey, Haruhi. Just what kind of movie is this? I don't see any story in it at all."

The Ultra Director glanced at me and said,

"It doesn't matter, since I plan to edit the scenes during post-production anyway."

Who's going to do that? I meant the editing of course. Of course, I did sort of remember part of my duties involved editing.

"At least have some sort of dialogue!"

"When there's a problem, we'll just remove the background sound and dub them over during editing. We'll add the sound effects and background music as well then. We don't have to worry about those now!"

Now that I think about it, as the story only exists in your head, there's no room for us to do any thinking anyway. But I must at least make sure that Haruhi's sexual harassment of Asahina-san gets reduced to a minimum, as well as forbidding any other guys besides myself to touch her body. That's my bottom line, surely no one has a problem with that, right?

"Now for the next scene! Yuki's counter-attack. Yuki, use your magic and attack Mikuru-chan with all your might!"

Nagato didn't move, save her dark eyes staring out at me from under her black hat, and tilted her head in an angle only I could notice. I think Nagato was trying to ask me "Is it really OK?"

The answer was of course "No." There was no way I would let anyone injure Asahina-san in any way, let alone by magic. Just look at Asahina-san, don't you see her trembling with a pale face already?

Of course Haruhi had no idea Nagato could wield such incredible magic, I think what she meant was to have Nagato perform something that looks like magic.

Nagato seemed to understand what I thought of as well, she said nothing and lifted her wand, then waved it like how fans in a pop concert would wave their fluorescent tubes.

"Forget it," Haruhi said, "I'll add in the visual effects later on. Kyon, remember to create effects that has rays coming out from Yuki's wand during post-production."

How should I know how to make such visual effects? It would be a different story if we could borrow some assistance from Industrial Light & Magic, though.

"Mikuru-chan, scream in agony and then fall on the ground looking tormented."

Asahina-san hesitated for a moment, then she then muttered "......AH" and fell forward face down with her hands lifted up. Standing besides her was Nagato, like the God of Death who had just claimed Asahina-san's soul. I had this scene recorded, while Koizumi stood beside me holding the reflector board.

The staring glances of the bystanders who had been standing around us now felt like needles on my back.

Haruhi finally decided to have mercy on us and granted us a break. We all sat down together on the ground exhausted.

Haruhi rewound the video I just recorded and played it again, muttering something to herself with a concerned look.

A few curious kids ran towards Asahina-san and Nagato and asked, "What TV program is this?" Asahina-san could only smile weakly and shake her head, while Nagato had completely ignored their presence and blended in with the background.

From beginning to end, Haruhi never once explained what the scenes that we shot were going to come out as. So I was completely in the dark when the Ultra Director announced that our next location would be the shrine nearby. Was the break over already!?

"There're pigeons there,"

Haruhi said,

"We need a scene with Mikuru-chan running with the pigeons flying in the background! If possible, I'd prefer all the pigeons to be white, but I guess I can't be picky now."

I guess we'll just have to find some domestic pigeons. Haruhi wrapped her arm around an already exhausted Asahina-san's arm (probably to prevent her from escaping), and walked through the forest park towards the main road. I carried the equipment with Koizumi and followed them, like the local sherpas hired to handle the baggage of a filming crew sent to do a documentary. We arrived at a large shrine in the middle of the mountain. It's been a while since I last came, not since a field trip in elementary school.

Haruhi stood in front of a sign that says "Don't feed the pigeons," she then began to openly throw bread crumbs around like a gardener determined to make the wilting flowers blossom again. All I could say about this is that she's probably illiterate.

Nearly covering the ground completely, the swarm of pigeons now gathered over at once, and more landed from the air. A shrine that is covered by feathers just doesn't feel comfortable at all. Asahina-san followed instructions and stood within the sea of pigeons. Standing in front of the waitress, I recorded her legs being pecked at by various beaks as her lips shivered nonstop. Just what was I doing?

Haruhi stood offscreen carrying the gun Asahina-san had been holding and clicked off the safety switch. Before I could wonder what she was up to, she suddenly began shooting like mad towards the side of Asahina-san's legs.

"KYAAA~~!!!"

Asahina-san's terrified look was so real, I've never seen such an expression before. Due to Haruhi's insane action, which was enough to drive the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals into a fit of rage, the symbols of peace were now goggling and flying off all at once after such a scare.

"That's it! That's the scene I want! Kyon, make sure you get it all in!"

The camera's rolling, so it should be working, right? Standing among the torrent of flying pigeons, Asahina-san squatted down and covered her head with her hands.

"Mikuru-chan! Why are you squatting? You need to use the flying pigeons as a background and run towards here! Hurry up and get up!"

Looks like now was not the time to idly shoot a movie, as instead of the SPCA, an old geezer that seemed like the shrine priest now bolted out from the interior of the shrine. He was dressed in a hakama, which would suggest he had something to do with the priest. I was already prepared to be berated by him when Haruhi, without hesitation, used her secret weapon.

She fired her CZ (or was it SIG) toy pistol towards the old geezer. I then saw the image of a priest (I think he's one) who seemed to be dancing non-stop on the sizzling hot ground. There's no doubt the Respect for the Elderly Society would protest strongly.

"Retreat!"

Haruhi yelled and then ran off at once. As for Nagato, I don't know when she left, as she was already waiting for us by the torii far ahead. Seeing as Asahina-san won't be able to escape quickly, Koizumi and I lifted her by the arm on each side and carried her off along with the equipment.

Since the director had ran away, we couldn't just leave the female lead behind as the scapegoat.

Ten minutes later, we're now having a meal in a fast food restaurant, which for some reason I have to pay for.

"Perhaps I've missed something. I was thinking maybe it would be better if we cast that old priest as a villain,"

Haruhi said this about stuff borderlining crime.

After sipping three strings of noodles, Asahina-san lay flat on the table.

"Mikuru-chan, you eat too little. How are you going to grow that way? You'll only attract a specific set of fans if all you have to offer are your breasts. You gotta straighten your back."

Haruhi said as she snatched Asahina-san's noodles and began munching on them.

I knew. I don't know in how many years, but I just know that Asahina-san's face and figure would eventually develop to Miss World standards. Although she doesn't know that herself.

Koizumi only smiled wryly, while Nagato silently brought her club sandwich to her mouth and began munching. I pushed my emptied plate aside and said to Haruhi, who had just eaten two sets of lunch,

"What are you going to do if that priest decides to complain to the school? Our cover's been blown by Koizumi's uniform."

"That shouldn't be a problem,"

Haruhi sure is optimistic,

"We were standing quite far from him, plus you see that sort of school jacket everywhere. We'll just deny any knowledge of it and pretend it has nothing to do with us. The BB bullets won't be much of an evidence against us."

I looked at the video camera that carried all the evidence and thought, wouldn't everything be out in the open once this movie gets shown? I simply do not believe that there were two waitresses out there at the same moment being surrounded by pigeons in a shrine.

"So where are we going next?"

"We need to go back to the plaza. I've been thinking, such a location alone won't be sufficient for creating an intense battle scene. In order to captivate the audience, we need something more drastic. Well, I have a lot of ideas, like Mikuru-chan running like mad in the forest, while being chased by Yuki. And then Mikuru-chan would fall off the cliff, only to be rescued by Koizumi-kun, who happened to walk by. What do you think of such a story development?"

That was such a retarded story development. Where can you find a male high school student who just happened to walk by a forest in his uniform? Wouldn't that be too unnatural? Being the "wild card" that she is, Haruhi may really just push Asahina-san off the cliff. If that's the case, Haruhi, why don't you jump down yourself? Become Asahina-san's stunt double and don that costume as well. Hmm, though the breast size may be a bit different......

Just as I was thinking about that, Haruhi lifted her eyebrow and stared at me,

"What are you thinking? Don't tell me you're having illusions of how I'd look in that waitress costume."

Indeed, you've guessed correctly.

"I'm the director, after all. I can't just happily appear in front of the camera. If I had to chase two rabbits around, I'd just trip over the tree roots and break my nose."

Aren't you the Executive Producer as well?

"The crew can have as many titles as they want, but it's not too bad to play a character that only appears once in a while like precious jewelry. We need to add in factors that can make those fanatics excited."

Just what fanatics were you intending this movie for? Asahina fanatics? Up till now, the whole movie has been nothing but an Asahina Mikuru uniform special! ......But then again, that was good enough.

Koizumi very elegantly placed a cup of milk back on the table and said,

"Are the three of us the only characters in this movie?"

You idiot! Stop asking unnecessary questions!

"Well......"

Haruhi now pursed her lips as she did whenever she was in deep thought. Shouldn't you consider things like these beforehand?

"Three people doesn't seem like a lot. Indeed, it's too few. We need some extras to better reflect the protagonist's energetic spirit. Thanks for reminding me of that, Koizumi-kun. As a token of my gratitude, I'm going to increase your screen time."

"Ah...... why, thank you."

The smile on Koizumi's face now read "Oh shit." Serves you right! I knew nothing good would ever come out of this, therefore I said nothing.

On the other hand, where does she expect to find new characters? There's a 75% chance that the people that she finds randomly are queer characters. According to the order, the next person would probably be a dimensional slider, but I have a feeling that such a person probably wouldn't want to come to this world in the first place.

"Before the boss is defeated, we need to have minions to beat first. Minions, minions......"

Haruhi placed her finger under her lips and glanced at me.

"Those guys would do, right?"

I, too, had guessed who Haruhi was thinking of. Taniguchi and Kunikida. They were the only two who could be brought along without creating too many problems. They're the safest choice, the ultimate minions who're even more insignificant than mere extras. More harmless than a lone wandering ghost.

"I guess so."

I turned my gaze away from the director, who was thinking of whom else to bring over, and took a glance at Asahina-san lying on the table with closed eyes. She looked so cute even when sleeping, she was mesmerizing even if she was only pretending to sleep.

I then turned my sight towards Nagato, who was sipping her soda deeply with her straw. Admiring her wooden expression, I then asked,

"Then, what're we filming next?"

Haruhi gulped the bowl of noodle soup down to her stomach, it took quite a while for her to finish,

"At any rate, I want Mikuru-chan to suffer as much as possible. Since the theme of this movie is about a girl who has to face all sorts of adversity, then against all odds manages to overturn them at the end and live happily ever after. The more Mikuru-chan suffers, the more catharsis she would have. Don't worry, Mikuru-chan, this is going to be a 'happy ending'."

So only the final bit is "happy"? Before that, Asahina-san could only accept Haruhi's tyrannical abuse. What kind of script did Haruhi prepare anyway? Seems like I am the only one who can apply a brake to her derailing behavior, so I need to be more careful and watch over her constantly. And what the hell is this catharsis thing?

Asahina-san had her tightly shut eyes opened half way, she looked at me with a pair of unique eyes, with the left eye blue in color, as though asking me to save her. But she then sighed softly and slowly closed her eyes. What's that supposed to mean? That I'm not reliable enough?

Right now, when Koizumi and Nagato could not provide a barrier to the oncoming tsunami, only I am on your side.

Yet, for the past six months, no matter what I do, I just couldn't put a stop to Haruhi's insanity. I know very well that what I'm doing is very futile, yet I'd like her to at least appreciate my chivalric passion.

Frankly speaking, I don't think I've ever tried stopping Haruhi. Half a year ago, I thought that even if I had to cut off Haruhi's arms, I must have her give up the thought of creating the SOS Brigade. Yet judging from the outcome, when I was still looking confused, Haruhi had already prepared the club room and members, in the end, even I had fallen into her trap and became a member myself...... That is the outcome today.

But if I had whacked the back of that girl's head with a baseball bat, or maybe stopped her with a surprise attack, I probably wouldn't have met Asahina-san, or Nagato and Koizumi. I would probably know them through other means. In other words, maybe I would never find out that they possess ridiculous true identities as aliens or time travelers. I would just know them as normal schoolmates, as we walk past each other in the corridor.

Don't ask me which path I would have preferred myself. As I have already heard the other three members declare their identities, and I've seen Nagato's terrifying powers, Asahina-san who has grown up into another person, and Koizumi's eyes turning red. If I visited a parallel world, maybe I'll come across another version of myself who has never spoken to Haruhi or the other three members. So if you have any questions, go ask that other "me," I don't know anything myself.

Yet right now, I was in a situation where I can't say with confidence that I don't know anything. Hmm, making a movie from scratch for the school festival, there's nothing strange with that. What was strange is Haruhi's head, but that was a known fact, so there's nothing astonishing here either. Haruhi spouting idiotic stuff like suddenly wanting to make a movie was nothing new. To me, it was just another routine job, all I needed to do was just go along with what she says and hope everything works out......

That's what I thought, which was why I didn't stop her from making this movie. I don't care if you're the director or whatever, just do whatever you like! Manipulate everyone around you to your heart's content! If that makes you feel better, then I'm willing to suppress the endless sighs within my heart and go with you to the end. Because the last thing I want is to be trapped with you inside an unknown dimension.

I thought about all this while looking at the boastful Haruhi and worn-out Asahina-san, the smiling Koizumi and the mask-like expression of Nagato.

I had no idea that the moment I regretted not stopping Haruhi would arrive so quickly.

We returned to the plaza in the forest park. Couldn't we do something about this lack of planning? If we had known about this, we should've done all the filming before going to the shrine! The biggest problem was that the script only existed inside Haruhi's head. It was important after all to convey meanings into words, preserving information down in paper has got to be the greatest idea ever.

"I think we should give up on the guns. I had thought the bullets would be impressive, yet there was no flare or sound at all, that really takes the intensity away. I don't think they're useful at all, they're just toy models after all."

Haruhi seemed to just treat the Yamatsuchi Model Store as a mere sponsor. She then proceeded to mark two large crosses on the ground with the tip of her sneakers. She was probably marking the spots where Asahina-san and Nagato should be standing.

"Mikuru-chan stands here, Yuki stands over there."

"Um."

Being spun around in circles, Asahina-san now treaded heavily as though she had just burnt a whole day's worth of calories. She was too mentally exhausted to resist as she walked onto the stage in her sexy waitress costume. She was now beyond shame, having regressed to the mental state of a young child, moving like a doll.

Nagato, who was already like a doll, walked quietly towards her designated spot and stood silently. Her black cloak fluttered in the mountain breeze blowing downhill.

Haruhi pointed her finger towards the toy gun she had snatched from Asahina-san and said,

"Don't leave that position, I want to film you two facing off with each other. Koizumi-kun, prepare the reflector board."

Haruhi then returned to her director's chair, she aimed the gun in the air and pulled the trigger,

"ACTION!"

She yelled with the top of her voice.

I quickly held my camera up, but Asahina-san was probably more confused than I was. Action? Haruhi only told them to stand still, she didn't specify what other action they should make.

"......"

Nagato and Asahina-san stood silently and looked at each other's expression.

"Um......"

Asahina-san was the first to turn her gaze away.

"......"

Nagato continued to stare at Asahina-san.

"......"

Asahina-san went silent as well.

And so, this staring scene under the mountain breeze went on endlessly.

"That's enough!"

For some reason Haruhi became pissed,

"How can you have a battle like this?"

Because the two of them were just standing still.

Replacing the gun with a loudspeaker, Haruhi walked towards Asahina-san and knocked her on the head, which had two soft brown ponytails tied by Haruhi herself.

"Mikuru-chan, listen up. No matter how cute you are, you must never let your guard down. Cute girls can be found everywhere! If you live your life peacefully, you'll be surpassed by other younger girls in no time!"

What are you trying to say?

Asahina-san rubbed her head innocently, Haruhi then said in a sage manner,

"Which is why, Mikuru-chan, you need to fire laser beams from your eye!"

"Eh?"

Asahina-san widened her eyes in astonishment.

"But that's impossible!"

"This is the reason why that left eye has a different color! I didn't just change your eye color to blue just because I felt like it! Hidden in that eye is an incredible power, the ability to shoot laser beams. So fire your Mikuru Beam!"

"I... I can't!"

"Try your hardest!"

Haruhi wrapped Asahina-san's head under her arms and smacked Asahina-san's head with her yellow loudspeaker.

The scene of Asahina-san yelling out in pain was just too tragic. I handed the camera over to Koizumi, who had put down the reflector board and was looking bemused at this scene, and grabbed Haruhi's collar.

"Stop it, you idiot!"

I pulled the little waitress away from the tyrannical Ultra Director.

"Normal humans can't just fire laser beams from their eyes. Are you a moron?"

Just look at Asahina-san rubbing her head with her hands! Look at how crestfallen she's become, she's now weeping pearl-like tears down her face already.

"Hmph,"

With her collar still being grabbed by me, she turned her head away and muttered,

"Of course I know that."

I let go of her, Haruhi knocked her own neck softly with her loudspeaker,

"I just wanted her to give an awesome impression of firing out laser beams, since she doesn't have the aura that a protagonist should have. You sure are lacking a sense of humor."

That's because your humor isn't even funny, and that's a big problem. What are you going to do if Asahina-san really could fire laser beams?

......It's not possible, is it?

I turned my eyes uncomfortably towards Asahina-san and tried to gesture to her. Asahina-san looked at me with her teary eyes. She blinked her large round eyes while tilting her neck slightly. Looks like I just can't communicate with Asahina-san with my eyes. While I was thinking that, Koizumi came forward and shamelessly gave his advice,

"I'm sure we could take care of that by using CG effects during editing?"

Koizumi smiled gently like a con man and handed a box of tissues over to Asahina-san.

"Hasn't Suzumiya-san planned to do that since the beginning?""

"Of course I have," Haruhi said.

Like hell you have. I thought to myself.

Asahina-san rubbed her eyes dry with the tissue and blew her nose, then looked suspiciously at both Haruhi and me.

Nagato was like a puppetmaster who stood out a lot and stood quietly in the wind. How come the sun hasn't gone down yet? Because I can't wait any longer for the time when filming has to stop due to insufficient light.

"We'll redo that scene again,"

Haruhi said and began to discuss how to perform the important pose.

"Mikuru Beam! You need to shout that and make this pose."

"L... Like this?"

"No, like this! And, close your right eye."

Haruhi's concept was to place the left hand over the left eye in a V-shaped sign, then fire the beam upon the blink of the eye.

"Mikuru-chan, try saying it out."

"......Mi,Mi,Mi,Mikuru Beam!"

"Louder!"

"Mikuru Beam!"

"Don't be shy, louder!"

"Um...... Mikuru Be~~~am!"

"Amplify your voice with your abdomen!"

What the hell was that?

Asahina-san, who was blushing furiously as she shouted loudly, was now being forced by Haruhi to shout with her abdomen. The staring glances of the kids passing by on the plaza along with their parents were becoming unbearable, I really wanted to tell them that there's nothing to see here. But as we were making a movie, we were basically like a travelling circus troupe attracting attention. Actually it wasn't too bad to just shoot these well prepared scenes. I had no idea how happy Haruhi's happy story can get, but if the purpose was to promote Asahina-san, then this was too much.

A moment later, Asahina-san and Nagato returned to their battle positions; Koizumi stood aside and held the reflector boards with his hands held up as if preparing to yell Banzai, while Haruhi sat proudly on her director's chair. I stood about two meters behind Nagato's black silhouette and filmed Asahina-san over her shoulder - this was the filming angle that Haruhi demanded.

The change that followed came very suddenly.

"OK, now fire the beam!"

Haruhi shouted, Asahina-san made her pose without any confidence,

"Mi...... Mikuru Beam!"

The camera recorded her unnatural dejected voice as she shouted cutely and blinked.

At that moment, the camera lens which I was looking through suddenly went pitch black.

"Huh?"

I didn't know what was going on, I even thought the camera must have broken down. I moved my eye away from the camera and saw an ominous black costume and pointed hat standing before me.

"......"

Nagato made a fist-like gesture in front of my eyes. So she was the culprit who caused the lens to go pitch black by covering it with her right hand.

"Huh?" Haruhi also opened her mouth looking astonished.

The large cross that Haruhi drew was two meters in front of me, all this time Nagato was indeed standing over there. When Haruhi shouted "Action" and Asahina-san made her cute shout, the video camera did in fact show Nagato's back. So how did Nagato manage to stand before my eyes in less than a second, as though grabbing something in her fist? I can only use spatial distortion to explain this phenomenon.

"Huh?" Haruhi also looked confused and said, "Yuki, when did you run over there?"

Nagato didn't answer, and just aimed her obsidian-like eyes towards Asahina-san. Asahina-san widened her eyes and gave a terrified expression, she then slowly blinked......

Nagato's hands once again moved at the speed of light, and grabbed something in the air as though catching a flying mosquito. What happened to the star-shaped magic wand she was holding?

Huh? I thought I just heard something strange, like a match that got lighted and then swiftly thrown into the drain.

"Eh......?"

Making a confused sounding exclamation was Asahina-san, she probably had no idea what was going on. Neither did I. What was Nagato doing?

As if asking for help, Asahina-san turned her eyes towards the side...... and a strange noise came from Koizumi's direction. I can't be mistaken, it sounded like a broken car tire that was leaking gas......

The reflector board that Koizumi was holding - which was basically a piece of cheap white polystyrene board - was now sliced diagonally in half. It was rare to see the usually quiet Koizumi looking stunned at the half of the reflector that got sliced off. But I didn't have the time to enjoy such a scene.

Nagato made her move, and it was only Nagato.

The black figure leaped and softly landed in front of Asahina-san. Nagato then took her right hand from under her cloak and grabbed Asahina-san's face, the little fingers pressed against Asahina-san's forehead as though covering up her eye.

"Kyaa...... Na... Nagato-san......!"

Nagato hooked Asahina-san's leg and pushed the female-lead waitress down onto the ground. The Goddess of Death now sat on top of those voluptuous breasts like riding a horse. Asahina-san yelled wailfully, grabbing Nagato's slim arms, which were doing the attack.

"Ah!"

I finally came to my senses, but what on earth was going on? At first I thought Nagato merely obstructed my recording instantaneously, but I didn't understand what followed as Koizumi's reflector board was sliced in half, and then the time traveller got attacked by the alien. Just when did Haruhi tell them to act that way...... It doesn't seem like it, since the director was just as stunned to silence as Koizumi and I were. I don't think it has anything to do with their superb acting.

"......Cut!"

Haruhi stood up and slapped her loudspeaker against the chair.

"Hold it, Yuki, what are you doing? This wasn't in the script!"

Nagato quietly sat on Asahina-san, whose smooth white legs were now exposed as she struggled to get up as Nagato grabbed her face.

I heard someone muttering behind me, I turned and found Koizumi staring at the sliced edge of the reflector board and twisted his mouth. Noticing I was looking at him, he gave me a strange glance. What's that supposed to mean?

Forget it, I don't care about Koizumi's enigmatic stare. What's important now was to stop Nagato, who had suddenly made her attack for no reason. I held my camera and ran towards the waitress and black-cloaked magician, who were huddled in one tableau.

"Hey, Nagato, what are you doing?"

The pointed hat turned slowly towards me. Nagato looked at me with her black hole-like eyes, her small lips looked as though they were about to open,

"......"

I expected her to say something, but in the end nothing was being said. Nagato looked as though she didn't know which words to use and closed her lips, and then slowly stood up. The black cloak waved slightly on the right side as she stuck her arm back inside.

"Sob......"

Lying on the ground, Asahina-san looked traumatized. Of course she would be, if Nagato suddenly ran towards me without any emotion and then pushed me down, I think I'd be scared silly as well. Because right now Nagato was like those Dark Wizards that people would last want to see when walking at night. A pre-schooler would probably piss in his pants at the sight of her.

"......"

Nagato tilted the rim of her large pointed hat towards her brow and stood still, looking at me.

I lifted Asahina-san, who was trembling all over, by the arm and helped her up. Asahina-san sobbed as tears trickled down her face, her eyes, which were covered by long eyelashes, were now soaked wet with tears, which further increased her charm...... Huh?

"That's ridiculous, just what were you two doing? Stop doing stuff that isn't written in the script."

The director who didn't even write a script came over, then both she and I exclaimed at the same time, "Huh?"

"Mikuru-chan, what happened to your contact lens?"

"Ah......"

Asahina-san, who was now clutching my arm tightly, placed her finger under her left eye.

"Eh?"

It was natural for the three of us to look confused, we'll just have to ask the person who knows the full details.

"Nagato, have you seen Asahina-san's contact lens?"

"I haven't."

Nagato replied without flinching. I had a feeling she's lying.

"Could it have dropped off during the brawl just now?"

Haruhi guessed incorrectly and began to look around the ground.

"Kyon, come help look for it as well. That lens isn't cheap, you know, it's the best of its kind."

I knelt down on all fours and began to help Haruhi look for it. Though I knew it was a waste of time, since I had seen that Nagato was grabbing something in her right hand when backing off from Asahina-san and then had hid it away. She then pushed Asahina-san down on the ground and grabbed her face.

"I can't find anything."

Haruhi twitched her mouth. I felt sorry for her, since I wasn't seriously searching. I turned around and saw Koizumi toying around with the two sliced pieces of the reflector board, sticking them together then splitting them apart. You should at least come over and help!

Koizumi smiled and said,

"Maybe it got blown by the wind, since it's very light."

Koizumi spouted his bullshit, then showed me the broken reflector board. Haruhi stood up from the ground and snatched it away.

"What happened? It's broken? Hmph, as expected from a cheap product. Man, the school's Movie Club sure knows how to buy crappy stuff. Koizumi-kun, try and stick them back together with sellotape."

Haruhi spoke in an unconcerned way, then turned her crocodile like eyes towards an awestruck Asahina-san, whose tears had stopped by now,

"We can't continue the scene without the colored contact lens, what should we do?"

She seemed to be thinking seriously, then snapped her fingers as though a light bulb in her head had lit up,

"That's it! We'll change it so that the eyes would change color after transformation!"

"T, Transformation?" Asahina-san asked.

"That's right. It would be too inappropriate for you to wear a waitress costume. We'll designate this as the costume after transformation, you'll wear something more natural the rest of the time."

I found it utterly ridiculous for someone to look for realism in an already ridiculously fictional world, Haruhi sounded as though she has admitted herself that a waitress costume was too inappropriate. Asahina-san nodded her head quickly,

"S, sure! I'd like to wear something normal as well."

"So during normal periods, Mikuru-chan would be wearing a bunny-girl costume."

"EH!? W,w,why?"

"Because we only have that costume. If you wore some normal costume, it wouldn't look attractive enough. Hang on! As for the setting, I just thought about it as well. Normally, Mikuru would be a bunny-girl attracting customers in the shopping street, yet in times of danger, she would transform into the Battle Waitress! What do you think? It's perfect, right?"

Didn't you just say it was too inappropriate?

"OK, let's go."

Haruhi now revealed a sinister looking, crescent moon-shaped smile. She grabbed Asahina-san's arms and carried Asahina-san on her back. "Eh? W...wait! Owww!!!" The waitress screamed distressfully as she got carried away into the forest.

Hmm.

......Well, that's fine with me. I can only clasp my hands together and show my apologies to Asahina-san, because I've been waiting for Haruhi to leave for some time already. I'll be looking forward to your bunny-girl costume, I won't let your sacrifice go in vain.

......That's right, I must go and ask Nagato about the whole affair.

"Well, what was that abrupt performance all about?"

Nagato held the rim of her pointed hat down with her left hand. She hid half of her face under the shadow of the hat, then slowly stuck out her right hand. Though she was covered completely by the cloak, I could still see the white sleeve of her sailor uniform. Nagato then stuck out her right forefinger, and there was rested the blue contact lens.

So it really was you who took it away.

"This."

Nagato said slowly,

"Laser."

She then stopped talking again.

......

Hey, I've been wanting to tell you this for some time, you have not reached the minimum standards required for conveying messages clearly! At least speak for about ten seconds!

Nagato stared at her finger and said,

"A high intensity pulse transparent ray."

She said in a very slow speed. I see, it's a highly intensity pulse transparent......

I'm sorry, I'm getting even more confused now.

"A laser?" I asked.

"Yes." Nagato replied.

"Now that's amazing." Koizumi said.

Koizumi picked up the contact lens from Nagato's finger and examined it under the sunlight.

"It looks like a very normal piece of lens."

He said something "really impressive," but I didn't see how I should be awed by this, and so I was hardly "impressed."

"What's that supposed to mean!?"

Koizumi smiled and said,

"Could I please have a look at your right palm? Not yours, I meant Nagato-san's."

The black cloaked girl looked at me, as though asking for my permission, and so I nodded back at her. After obtaining my permission, Nagato opened up her remaining four fingers, which were shut tightly a while ago. I gasped at what I saw.

"......"

A silent breeze blew past the three of us. I suddenly felt a sense of shiver, as I finally understood. So that explains everything.

On the surface of Nagato's near wrinkle-less palm were a few black holes, which looked as though it was burnt by a red hot pincers. There were about five of them.

"I was not able to contain it."

Don't talk in such a relaxed manner, it looked painful enough just looking at it.

"It was very powerful and happened in an instant."

"Did the lasers come from Asahina-san's left eye?" Koizumi asked.

"Yes."

What do you mean "yes?" Has Koizumi gone nuts as well? Have they figured out what was going on already?

"Commencing recovery at once."

Nagato said, then we looked as the black holes began to shrink and disappear in the speed of light and her palm returned to its usual white smoothness.

"Just what was going on?"

I could only look astonished,

"Did Asahina-san really shoot beams from her eye?"

"Those were not particle accelerators, but intensified rays."

What difference does it make? I don't care whether it's lasers, masers or atomic heat rays used to destroy Mothra's cocoon, it's all the same to a layman like me. What's the difference between an ion cannon and an antiproton cannon anyway when both can be used to defeat the monster?

The problem was, why did Asahina-san fire atomic heat rays even when there're no monsters around?

"It's intensified rays, not atomic heat rays."

Didn't I just say it makes no difference? I don't need such scientific verification.

Nagato quietly retracted her right hand, I rubbed the back of my head, while Koizumi flicked the piece of contact lens lightly with his finger.

"Did Asahina-san originally come with this ability?"

"No," Nagato swiftly rejected that hypothesis, "Presently Asahina Mikuru is a normal human being, her body no different from other people."

"Does this colored contact-lens have any special features in it?" Koizumi continued to ask.

"No, it is just a decoration."

It has to be, since Haruhi was the one who brought the piece of contact lens. Yet that was exactly where the problem was, it was because she was the one who had bought it that made it even more significant.

This was something which had to be throughly investigated. If Nagato hadn't dodged in front of me, then the laser from Asahina-san's eye would have gone through the camera lens and straight into my eye, then exited from the back of my head after burning everything inside, especially my brain, which would probably stink like hell after being burned badly. That wouldn't be a good sight.

Speaking of which, I feel pretty embarrassed at having Nagato come and save my life again.

"In that case,"

Koizumi rubbed his chin and smiled wryly,

"This was the work of Suzumiya-san, right? Since she had wanted a Mikuru Beam, so reality had been altered in accordance with her wishes."

"That is correct."

Nagato's expression remained blank when making such a firm response. I could never be as calm as her.

"Hang on! There's no magic inside this piece of contact lens, right? So why did a killer laser appear just because Haruhi wished for it?"

"Suzumiya-san does not require magic or any sort of science. As long as she believed something 'exists,' then it would truly 'exist.'"

I don't think I could accept such an inverted way of thinking.

"Haruhi doesn't really wish for Asahina-san to fire beams from her eye. That was just for the movie, didn't she say so herself? It was just a joke."

"Indeed."

Koizumi nodded his head. Don't just accept my challenge so easily, how am I supposed to continue like that?

"We all know that Suzumiya-san does possess some form of common sense, but it is also a known fact that the common sense of this world doesn't apply to her. Perhaps it was probably due to some extraordinary event this time...... Ah, they've returned. Let us discuss this later."

Koizumi casually placed the piece of contact lens into his shirt pocket.

This is such a bother.

Using human intelligence to do battle with a mysterious force that threatens to destroy the Earth; beating down the bad guys; having a supernatural battle as though it were a daily routine; interspersed with some drama within......

To be honest, I much prefer being in that sort of story. If I didn't have to face such circumstances now, I'd rather be involved in a totally fictional setting, the more ridiculous the better.

But look at me now. All because I spoke to a certain classmate, I ended up triggering the source for all these disasters, meeting all sorts of weird people, and doing all sorts of strange stuff. Firing beams from the eye? Just what the hell was that? Does it have any meaning to it?

Thinking back at the strange trio, neither Asahina-san, Nagato, or Koizumi could really prove their identities. The three of them all casually introduced themselves, yet I was crazy enough to actually believe them. While I may have experienced events that I have no choice but to believe had happened, there was a limit to everything, and I have my own sets of standards as well. Though these standards have become more and more strange lately.

According to their statements: Asahina-san is a time traveler from the future. She never said which year she's from, I only know the reason she came here - to observe Suzumiya Haruhi.

Nagato was an artificially created Living Humanoid Interface by some alien entity. "What the hell is that?" You ask, you wouldn't understand even if I told you. I'm sure half of us wouldn't be able to understand, myself included. What were these people like her doing on this planet then? Nagato said it's because her boss, something called the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, was very interested in Suzumiya Haruhi.

As for Koizumi, he's an esper sent by a group calling themselves the 'Organization'. One of his missions involved him being transferred to this school and observing Suzumiya Haruhi.

Although Haruhi, who plays a central role in all of this, has known this trio with extraordinary backgrounds for some time already, she has no idea of their true identities. Asahina-san described her as a "temporal distortion." Nagato said she was a "self-evolution possibility." Koizumi was even more ridiculous, simply calling her "God."

Thanks for the hard work, guys.

I know this is asking a lot, but please do something about Haruhi! Otherwise this female brigade commander is going to remain an enigma and have us forever trapped within her enormous gravitational field like a neutron star. It was still fine now, but think about what would happen in ten years time! What would happen if Haruhi still behaved as she did today? It would be very troublesome. Illegally occupying the club room, walking in strides with a scowl on her face, starting a ruckus for no reason, and being moody all the time. People would still tolerate her during her teens, but they wouldn't be so easy on her once she gets older. She won't be able to fit into society by then. Do Asahina-san, Nagato, and Koizumi intend to still be with her, still doing the same stuff then?

If so, allow me to leave first. I'm sorry, I have no intention of staying like this, since time doesn't wait. You can't just reset a life easily, and there are no save points lying around in some back alley allowing you to save your progress.

This has nothing to do with Haruhi distorting time, creating a data explosion, or destroying and creating worlds. She and I are two different people. There's just no way I can play cat and mouse with a kid forever. Even if I wanted to, in the end I still have to go my own way. It may be in a few years, or a few decades away, but the time will eventually come, no matter what.

"How long are you going to moan for? You're used to this already!"

I turned and saw Haruhi dragging Asahina-san out from the forest.

"Show some dignity as a professional actress! Changing without hesitation is the fastest way to the Blue Ribbon Rookie Award! And it's not like I'm asking you to strip naked. After all, one needs to keep their precious dignity intact."

Haruhi now sounded like a foxhound who had just caught a rabbit. Haruhi dragged the bunny-girl Asahina-san out, whose high-heeled shoes doesn't seem suitable for walking on the dirt, and revealed a smile so bright it could make a person sneeze.

"If this movie's a success, I'll take everyone to a hot springs trip using the box office receipts. Think of it as a reward for all the hard work! You want to go too, don't you, Mikuru-chan?"

But...... Forget it. Before this ends, I might as well ride on her train of madness for now. The reason I hang out with you is because I too am involved in this movie plot that you have set up. If I take Koizumi's perspective, then I have nothing to lose. Sadly, I don't possess any unknown powers.

So, allow me to happily be your backroom staff for now.

Maybe in a few years time I would look back and laugh at this, saying, "Wow, did that really happen?"

I think.

Dressed in her bunny-girl costume, Asahina-san now looked even more embarrassed than when she was wearing the waitress costume. Haruhi, on the other hand, was beaming brightly. What are you so giddy about?

I pretended to adjust the focus of the camera and zoomed in onto Asahina-san's breasts. I needed to confirm that thing first.

There on the left of Asahina-san's white bosom was a small birthmark, looking carefully, it was in the shape of a star. Confirmation complete, this is indeed my Asahina-san, and not an impostor.

"What are you doing?"

Haruhi's face suddenly appeared in front of the lens.

"Don't shoot scenes that I don't want. This isn't your private video camera, you know."

Of course I know that! I didn't even press the record button yet, I was merely looking.

"All right, everybody! Listen up! Next, we'll be filming the daily life of Mikuru. Mikuru-chan, you'll need to walk naturally around over there while the camera follows you behind."

What kind of daily life involves walking around in a bunny-girl costume in this kind of park?

"It doesn't matter. In this movie this is absolutely normal. It doesn't make sense to ask for realism in a fictional world!"

That's supposed to be my line! It's because you've brought in fictional elements into this reality that things are getting messed up now!

Afterwards, unaware that she could now fire killer beams, Asahina-san underwent acting lessons under Haruhi's supervision, as she went around picking up flowers, blowing brown leaves off the palm of her hand, and running around on the grass. Slowly but surely she was falling apart with fatigue.

Then Haruhi delivered the knock-out blow,

"Hmm, it doesn't seem right to have a bunny-girl running around in the mountains. This background just doesn't fit at all. Let's go back to the streets!"

Without flinching, Haruhi completely overthrew what she just said. As a result, we had to ride the bus again to return to the city.

No longer having to do any lighting work for now, Koizumi carried under his arm the reflector board, sloppily repaired with sellotape, as well as half of the equipment that I stuffed to him, while his other arm held the handrail.

I stood next to him, while standing like a shadow besides us was Nagato. Only Haruhi and Asahina-san sat on the empty seats. Haruhi snatched the camera from my hands and sat on the double seats, filming Asahina-san from her side.

Asahina-san lowered her head and softly answered Haruhi's questions. I'm guessing the lead actress was being interviewed by the director right now.

The bus meandered down the winding hill road and towards the residential area. I secretly prayed that the driver would concentrate on driving safely instead of glancing at the rear-view mirror all the time.

Perhaps my prayers were heard, since the bus finally arrived safely at the terminal. All this time, the other passengers have been sitting at a distance, nearly all of them staring at Haruhi, Asahina-san, and Nagato. The wobbling bunny ears and the smooth white exposed shoulders were just too deadly. By now, rumors of Asahina the Bunny-Girl have probably spread to the whole town, not just in North High.

Maybe that's exactly what Haruhi had in mind. "I heard there was a pretty bunny-girl riding a bus yesterday." "Oh, I've seen them." "What are you talking about?" "I hear there's a club in North High called the SOS Brigade." "The SOS Brigade?" "That's right, the SOS Brigade." "SOS Brigade, huh? I'll remember that." Was she aiming for such a development? Asahina-san isn't the SOS Brigade's cover girl! In a way, she's supposed to be the tea maid and my anti-depressant. I'm sure she thinks the same as I do, definitely.

Of course, with Haruhi, she wouldn't be able to hear the thoughts of other people. Because she is built with an amazing device that ejects any unfavorable opinion out the moment it enters her ears. If I could find out the secret to how this device works, I'm pretty sure the Selection Committee for the Nobel Prize in Physiology would nominate me in their shortlist. Anyone here want to give it a try? (The secret is to just make up some bullshit.)

Until the sun had set, Asahina-san spent the rest of the day as a bunny-girl. What did she do in that outfit, you ask? Well, not much, apart from running around in this costume. This was no different from those Hunt for Mysterious Events activities, but this time she was even more worn out as she has to put up with the stares from other people, worrying if someone might call the police. Haruhi has no concept of what a filming permit is. It was Haruhi's freedom to shoot wherever she liked. Her freedom was as unrestrained as that of the Pope Innocent III in the third century - I think. In fact, she's completely misinterpreted the true meaning of freedom.

"That's it for today."

Finally, Haruhi had the expression of having a hard day's work done. Besides Nagato, the rest of us all breathed a sigh of relief. What a long day. I'm going to take a break Sunday.

"Then see you tomorrow. We meet at the same time and place as today."

She sure doesn't know when to stop. I didn't know you had the power to ask the school to compensate for our holidays.

"What are you talking about? We're already lagging behind in our filming schedule! Now is not the time to rest idly! You can relax all you like once the school festival is over! Before that, just pretend the red numbers don't exist on the calendar!"

We're only on the second day of filming. Can't you do something about the poor time planning? What do you mean by lagging behind? Does that mean all the hours worth of filming today won't be used at all? Was Haruhi trying to make a series franchise? This is just a movie made specifically for a school festival, not a big budget production.

Yet Haruhi doesn't look worried at all. She stuffed all the equipment on me, and wearing only her armband, she gave an impeccable smile,

"Then we'll meet tomorrow! I'll make sure this movie is a success. No, since I'm the director, success is already guaranteed. The rest is up to you. Make sure you're punctual! Absentees will be personally executed by me!"

After making this announcement, she left humming the tune of "Rock is Dead" by Marilyn Manson.

"I'll inform Asahina-san about it."

Koizumi whispered softly to my ear before leaving, Asahina-san was covered in Koizumi's school jacket. If it were winter, I would have brought my own jacket. Sadly, the weather now was still stuck in the end of summer. I looked at the equipment piled up by my feet with a feeling of frustration.

"Inform her of what?"

"About the laser. As long as there's no change in eye color, then no strange beams would be fired. I think that's how Suzumiya-san's rule works. So there won't be a problem if she doesn't wear any colored contact lens."

The lighting assistant, whose job was just to hold up the reflector board, now gave me a professional smile like one of those insurance agents.

"Just to be safe, I think we should take some precautionary measures. I'm sure she will cooperate. After all, those beams are dangerous stuff."

Koizumi then walked towards the black cloaked Nagato, standing like an anthropomorphized piece of glass.

As I returned home carrying various sized bags of equipment, my sister looked astonished at me as though she had seen a strange creature. This elementary schoolgirl, the culprit responsible for spreading that stupid "Kyon" nickname around, now jumped around yelling, "Is that a camera? Wow! Can I play with it, too?" I yelled, "Get lost, idiot!" And promptly returned to my room.

I was so exhausted already. The thoughts of becoming a voyeur cameraman had long evaporated from my head. Of course, it would be a different story if it involved Asahina-san, but I'm not that sick as to want to preserve video images of my own sister! I mean, where's the fun in that?

After putting down all the bags on the floor, I laid down on my bed at once. I had a brief moment of peace, before my sister, under my mom's orders to call me down for dinner, attacked me with her deadly elbow strike.

(Chapter 3 End)

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